


Inevitable

by averis



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Betrayal, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Destiny, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, POV Zuko (Avatar), Pining, Yin Yang - Freeform, Zutara, a lot of zuko, like I love zuko so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24419974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averis/pseuds/averis
Summary: Destiny is a tricky thing. Prince Zuko is having a hard time figuring out if his is already laid out for him, or if he has a choice to where his future will go. But no matter what path he’s on, it always seems to involve a certain Waterbending girl.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 49





	1. Change

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Avatar The Last Airbending is very obviously not my work I don't own it I just really really like it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing publication dates at the beginning of each chapter mostly for my own benefit just FYI  
> 05/28/20

**Change yourself, change your fortunes. ~ Portuguese Proverbs**

“I’ll save you from the pirates” Zuko stated sarcastically as the water bender girl ran right into his hands, allowing an easy capture. Her eyes widened in surprise and Zuko could see a glimmer of fear behind them. Dealing with him was worse than some untrained, sloppy, pathetic pirates. He ordered his guards to tie her to the nearest tree, a bait for the Avatar. He knew the Avatar would come to him to save her, but he was never known for his patience. “Tell me where he is,” he demanded, “and I won’t hurt you or your brother.” He tried to make it sound like a bargain but it seemed to come off as a threat. 

“Go jump in the river!” She quipped back. Zuko was used to threats so it was easy to keep his composed demeanor in front of her, especially with his goal in mind. His motivation to get information from her kept his head cool, but he still needed answers. He briefly considered throwing a blast of fire near her in order to give her a little more convincing. However, he sensed that the small fear had been replaced by a determination to protect the monk she had befriended and knew that no amount of destruction could unhinge her stubbornness. He hesitated before trying a different approach. 

“Try to understand,” He stepped towards her as she looked away, “I need to capture him in order to restore something I lost, my honor.” She continued to refuse to look at him so he couldn’t tell what kind of effect the words had on her. He studied her to try and decipher her feelings, taking in her appearance in the process. She was pretty for a water tribe peasant, but also small and she seemed so young. Naive as well, thinking that she could withstand his power with nothing but stubborn bravery. He had seen her practicing in the water and she had no skill or tact in her own element. Yet her bravery made it clear she would not submit to threats or fire. 

He changed tactics again and went back to bargaining. 

“Perhaps in exchange, I can return something that you lost.” He held the necklace he found in front of her. He didn’t know what the importance of it was to her but it had the kind of effect he wanted. He had caught her by surprise. 

“My mother's necklace! How did you get that?” 

“I didn’t steal it if that's what you’re wondering.” He made his demand once again, sure he would get out of her this time. “Tell me where he is.” 

“No!” her defiance and stubbornness persisted before they were interrupted by the pirates. They wanted the scroll, but not as badly as Zuko wanted the Avatar and redemption. He held a flame to the scroll and they panicked. Fire had an effect on the pirates that it hadn’t had on the girl, and it pleased him. It was good to know he was still in a position of power with his bending abilities. He ordered them to search for the boy. The rest of the night was spent looking for the Avatar and they finally found him and the water tribe boy as the sun began to rise. Zuko was pleased to see his prey subdued yet again and was sure he would not underestimate this child again. 

“Aang I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.” he heard the girl say behind him. 

“No Katara it isn’t.” it was a lie and his uncle was the one to voice it. Zuko stepped forward to trade the scroll but the water tribe boy began to speak words that the prince could tell weighed heavy on the pirates’ minds. He ordered him to be quiet but the boy knew what he was doing. Zuko hadn’t expected such cleverness to come from someone with such a dumb face. It resulted in a small skirmish between firebenders and pirates, and as a result, the Avatar got away. Again.

* * *

At the Siege of the Northern Water Tribe, Zuko came face to face with the water bender again. The Avatar sat still on the shore of the pond, and Zuko knew that his spirit was elsewhere, foolishly leaving his body behind with nothing but a young girl with little experience to protect him. 

It seemed Zuko had a habit of underestimating people however, as she matched him in a battle between the elements. It seemed her time in the North had paid off and he was willing to admit to himself that he was impressed with her speedy progress in her bending. She blocked the flames he sent at her and returned her own blows. But he knew the night was nearing its end and that all he had to do was keep his ground until it did. Soon he felt a warmth that slithered through his veins as light grew behind him. 

“You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun.” The battle turned in his favor and he soon overtook her, allowing him to grab the Avatar’s body and drag him into the blizzard storming beyond the cliffside. The sun was up, he knew, but all warmth had gone as the clouds blocked it from few, and flurries of snow flew around him. He found a cave to take shelter in until he could map out the next part of his plan. Too little too late, and the Avatar was taken out of his grasp yet again.

* * *

After yet another failure at the Northern Water Tribe, and a disappointing reunion with Azula, Zuko, and his Uncle Iroh silently agreed that it would be best for them to space themselves from their hunt on the Avatar for a while. They cut their hair and travel with the little supplies they have on foot. It’s tedious and infuriating that the prince has been reduced to this: a starving traveler, a fugitive from every nation. It doesn’t get better. He steals to survive, an act his uncle very obviously disapproves of and Zuko knows he has to go on his own. His uncle can get on fine without him and he knows he can get on well without his uncle. 

The rest of the world is not what Zuko expected. He thought that the people would have learned to love the fire nation. A new culture and a new livelihood would have emerged from the invasion. But they hate them. They hate this war and they hate the lack of freedom they have. They hate _him_ . Banished or not, he is still a firebender, and one of Ozai’s blood. He knew he’d have to keep his firebending hidden but when push came to shove, he had to use it in front of the family that had taken them in. The family that he had helped and gotten to know and care for. After that, it didn’t matter if they knew who he was or not, firebending made them fear him and therefore hate him. He reflected on his father’s words. _It is best to be feared._ He realized that they held no truth. Fear only produces hate and not an unchangeable loyalty. And now he had nothing. He had no home in the fire nation after being banished and he had no home anywhere else because he was despised for who he was. _So be it,_ he thought harshly, but if he was honest with himself, he knew he was completely alone and it caused an aching in his heart he didn’t know how to get rid of. And so he did what any fire prince should do and ignored it and told himself he was better alone anyways before moving on to the next town. 

* * *

Upon seeing the Avatar, his purpose was reignited. A purpose that Azula stood in the way of. She had everything. What could she gain from bringing down the Avatar? Could she not just let him have this once chance? Could she not just stop taunting him and work with him so he could restore his honor and return home? Of course she couldn’t because she was Azula and to her, everything with Zuko was a competition. He held himself well against both her and the Avatar but it was only a matter of time before he was knocked down.

When he opened his eyes, he could still hear the crashing burning of buildings as Azula and the Avatar fought but it was his uncle's face before him. 

“Get up!” Iroh ordered. Zuko stood up slowly and the pain that had been occupying his chest began to fade at the thought of not being completely alone. The water bender and her brother had come to help as well, and soon, so had a small earthbending girl. Soon, they had Azula cornered. She put her hands up in defeat but none of them let their guard down. They had all seen the type of determination she had and there was no way surrender was on her mind. They were right. She had found a weakness in their uncle and shot fire at him so fast none of them could have been prepared. They all shot at her in unison but she blocked it and when the smoke cleared, she was gone. 

Zuko rushed to his fallen uncle’s side. Azula was gone and he had to make sure his uncle was okay, that he would be okay. But laying there, he seemed so frail. Smoke furled from his shoulder and Zuko couldn’t help but wonder if he would be alone again. The pain returned, much stronger than before. He shouted and the others to get away. He heard the waterbender say something but he wasn’t sure what and he wasn’t interested. 

“Leave!” he bellowed, shooting fire around him as he did. And before he knew it they were gone. Zuko dragged his uncle into a building that wasn’t falling apart and quickly found the materials he would need to heal the burn. He ran water over the skin and began to apply an ointment that every fire bender carried with them in case of burns. Finally, he wrapped it and waited hoping his uncle would open his eyes soon.

* * *

Ba Sing Se was without a doubt the worst city he had ever traveled to. It was overcrowded, and it was dirty, and they were poor, and they had to hide who they were as if they were ashamed to have royal blood running through their veins. He had a destiny to fulfill and how could he do it trapped in the outer ring of the disgusting city? Of course, his uncle was becoming successful but Zuko became more of a failure every day. He couldn’t be proud of his uncle when he was jealous and incredibly ashamed of himself. 

The flyer gave him hope. Like when he was alone in the earth kingdom, it sparked his purpose and he knew he had to find the Sky Bison. It had to be found before the Avatar could get a hold of it and through the bison, he would find its owner. The Blue Spirit would be useful in this mission. 

* * *

If he had known what kind of fever letting the Sky Bison go would initiate, he would not have hesitated to capture it himself and keep it in the apartment if that was what it took. His change of heart made him physically miserable. And if he had changed so much, why did he still feel like he had a choice to make?

* * *

He thought he saw the water bender girl step into the teashop, but it must’ve been a trick of the light.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! Thank you so much for starting this story even though this first chapter is kinda clunky and awkward. In case you couldnt tell I am not much of a writer lol but I really like it! That being said I’m SUPER open to some constructive criticism or a beta to help me out. Just puttin that out there. Thanks again!!


	2. Destiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5/28/20

**As people go their own way, destiny goes with them. ~ Tamil Proverbs**

Zuko was a fool and he knew it. Finding Azula and challenging her to an Agni Kai while she had the Dai Li on her side was undeniably stupid of him. But his anger had gotten the best of him and now here he was being shoved around by said warriors with rocks binding his hands. He was taken deep underground, beneath the city, descending through slanted corridors and long staircases. Finally, the men holding him shifted a rock out of place before taking the stones from his wrist. 

“You have company.” They said roughly and then shoved him down a dark hole that had a green glow at the end of it. He deciphered their words and realized there was someone else down there. He didn’t have a chance to look up before he heard his name exclaimed in surprise. 

“Zuko!” He cringed and knew it was the waterbending girl. He tried to remember her name; he must've heard it a hundred times. Didn’t it start with a K? He is on his knees before her, head bowed, not quite willing to look up and see the scowl he knows is on her face. It’s a pathetic position for a price to be in especially before his enemies. But he's not a prince anymore, and he doesn't even really know who his true enemies are. 

The stone above rumbles back into place and the only light is the eerie green glow from the crystals around him. He looks up and by seeing her face, he’s able to remember her name. Katara. He was right about the way she was looking at him. She has a tight frown on her face and despite the dim light provided, he can see a ferocity in her gaze. He turns himself around and hangs his head again because not only was he defeated by his sister, yet again, he has to share a prison space with this girl who he knows he’s caused so much pain. A pang of guilt comes over him. 

It's only a few moments before she angrily shouts at him. Asking why they would put him in her and accusing him of being a piece of laying a trap for the Avatar. Despite the anger in her words, they actually give him hope. He was not going to be rescued, but she most definitely would be. The bond of their friendship is undeniably strong and they seem to have a strict “no one gets left behind” policy. He could escape during their rescue mission. He looks back at her for a moment before hanging his head again without answering her. He doesn't really owe her anything. Especially not answers. He had freed their bison after all. 

“You’re a terrible person, you know that?” she accuses. 

_ I know _ . He thinks glumly.

“Always following us, hunting the Avatar, trying to capture the world's last hope for peace.” he lets her continue her rant because the truth of it weighs heavily with him. “But what do you care?” She says in a softer tone but still dripping with anger and harshness. “You’re the Fire Lord's son. Spreading war and violence and hatred is in your blood.” This gets Zuko because he is not his father’s son. As much as he’d like to be, they just aren’t alike. He begins to get defensive at her unknowingly bringing up such a sensitive subject. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snaps. 

“I don’t?” she shouts. “How dare you, you have no idea what this war has put me through, me personally.” her voice begins to falter and crack. “The Fire Nation took my mother away from me” He pauses and turns to look at her. She’s no longer facing him and he can feel her pain because it is the same as his own. 

“I’m sorry” He turns his body to face her as she sobs. “That’s something we have in common.” He’s surprised her, he can tell. No one ever expects that the Fire Nation would be the one to have taken away the Firelady. It's a commonality that he didn’t expect to find with her either. They both stand as she wipes away her tears but he can’t quite turn completely towards her. There’s too much shame between them. The silence grows but it’s not awkward. Katara seems to be deep in thought just as much as he is.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry I yelled at you before.” She says sincerely. The apology catches him off guard because really she doesn’t owe him one. He understands her pain. He attempts to brush it off. 

“It doesn’t matter.” But she continues in an attempt to explain herself 

“It's just that for so long now whenever I imagine the face of the enemy, it is your face.” 

“My face” he unconsciously reaches up to his scar. Who could forget a face like his? “I see.” She sees his reaction. 

“No, no. That’s not what I meant.” He wants her to stop pitying him and to stop apologizing, but he doesn't know how to tell her. Every word she speaks, he seems to understand her more. 

“It's okay.” He feels as if he should explain himself as well. “I used to think that this scar marked me, the mark of the banished prince, cursed to chase the Avatar forever. But lately, I’ve realized I’m free to create my own destiny. Even if I’ll never be free of my mark.’ 

“Maybe you could be free of it.” Zuko is surprised by her response. 

“What?” Now he wants her to explain. 

“I have healing abilities.” 

“It's a scar, it can’t be healed.” She pulls a vial from the inside of her dress and holds it up for him to see. 

“This is water from the spirit oasis at the north pole. It has special properties so I’ve been saving it for something important. I don’t know if it would work but…” she trails off. She takes a few steps towards him and Zuko doesn’t know what to say. 

He could be free of this scar. He knows he’s changed but there’s always the reminder of his scar of what he could have had. And he’s honored that she’d be willing to use her sacred water, something she’s been saving, on someone who had given her nothing but hardship these past few months. He feels her hand on his face and closes his eyes, resisting the urge to tilt his head and press his cheek against her palm. 

He can feel how soft her hands are and how cold they are too. Like she has ice in her veins while he has fire. Fire in his veins. This girl is accepting him for who he is despite knowing what he’s capable of and offering to heal just to give him a little more peace of mind. 

He opens his eyes and looks into hers. He’s never really looked at her before but her eyes are as big as moons and as blue as the tides. They have a green tint to them in the light that reminds him of the tide pools he used to play in on Ember Island. Her face is soft unlike his own sharp features and her lips are pouted and her mouth is slightly parted and she looks at him in concentration. He realizes their closeness and his heart skips a beat. Before had he only noticed how small and young she seemed, but it seems in these past few months she’s grown and matured. And she’s beautiful. Not like Mai in the elegant pretty sort of way. And not like Ty Lee with her cute flirtations. But truly beautiful in a way that no one can achieve unless they are full of kindness and good. The light seems to be coming from her and not from the crystals anymore. 

It takes Zuko only seconds to realize all this before a near-deafening bang comes from a few meters beside them ruining the few moments shared. He tenses at the possibility of danger and despite the inches between them, he can feel her do the same. But when the smoke clears, they see the Avatar and Uncle Iroh. 

“Aang!” She exclaims and rushes over to embrace him. There a bubble of jealousy that begins to form in his chest, and over Katara's shoulder, the Avatar sends a skeptical glare at him and Zuko can’t tell if its because he can sense a moment was shared between Zuko and Katara, or just because he doesn’t trust him. Zuko glares back because the moment of danger has passed and he’s angry that they ruined an experience that could have been special. His uncle runs and hugs him, but Zuko and Aang continue to glare. He hears Katara say something softly to Aang but he doesn’t hear and the jealous anger continues to grow. He turns to his uncle deciding to release some of it onto him 

“Uncle, I don’t understand, what are you doing with the Avatar?” 

“Saving you that’s what.” The Avatar quips back impatiently. How dare he, they didn’t need their help, Zuko is now certain. He and Katara would have escaped on their own, he's sure. He lunges and lets out a sound of frustration but his uncle holds him back telling him it's time they talked and dismissing the Avatar and Katara. He senses Katara looking back at him but he refuses to meet her eyes. The moment has passed and with her and the Avatar together again, she’ll remember all the mistakes he’s made. His slightly elated emotions when she touched him have hidden and all he feels is shame and anger. He doesn’t want his uncle to ally himself with the Avatar, but he’s not sure why yet. His feelings have been all over the place in a matter of minutes and now he’s just confused at himself and at Katara. 

“Why Uncle?” is all he can say and he's annoyed at how defeated he sounds. 

“You are not the man you used to be, Zuko. You are stronger and wiser, and freer than you have ever been and now you have come to the crossroads of your destiny. It’s time for you to choose. It’s time for you to choose good.” He wants a moment to think of those words, to decide what his plan is, and what he wants his destiny to be. But the world has been cruel to Zuko and it isn’t letting up this time, as crystals burst from the ground and incase his uncle. He tenses again, and this time, it seems it's needed as Azula and her Dai Li slide into the cave. Azula begins to bait him, calling him Prince Zuko with a special emphasis on the word prince. She asks him if he’s a traitor.  _ I don’t know! I haven’t had time to think!  _

“Release him, immediately.” He demands. His uncle doesn't need to be caught in the crossfire of his crossroads. 

“It’s not too late for you Zuko.” She tells him he can still have redemption. A part of him knows that she is just in need of his help and that there is an ulterior motive to her sparing him. But a bigger part of him, the part that has longed for belonging at his father’s side, sparks at the thought of his redemption still being possible. Uncle argues that its not the redemption is not for him. But isn’t it? Is it not his birthright to be in the Fire Nation and eventually become Firelord? He’s not entirely convinced that he can create his own destiny and the scar feels more prevalent on his face seeming to confirm his thoughts. Katara hadn’t healed it. That must be density in some type of way. It must’ve been fate that caused the Avatar and Uncle to burst in right before his burden was taken away. 

“Why don’t you let him decide Uncle?” But it doesn't seem like he has a choice. “I need you Zuko.” It's the first time he’s heard those words in a long time. Possibly ever. He had forgotten what it was like to be needed. She puts up a front of unity and a part of Zuko knows she’s lying. Because Azula always lies. But that voice in his head is getting quieter and quieter. It seems weak and subdued because the source of that voice is currently being held by crystals behind him. “...you will have your honor back. You will have father’s love, you will have everything you want.” It seems almost too good to be true but with Azula, it could be possible. 

“Zuko, I am begging you, look into your heart, and see what it is you truly want.” He closes his eyes and instantly sees Katara’s. The eyes that seemed to read his soul. Is that what he wants? Up until a few minutes ago he barely knew her. No, it can’t be Katara. The moment they shared was nothing more than a result of the enchanting eeriness of the crystals. What he wants is acceptance. He could achieve that with Azula’s help. 

“You are free to choose.” She walks away and Zuko is faced with his decision. With Azula gone he’s free to think, mull over the words that were spoken. It doesn’t take much time because she didn’t mean what she said. He’s not free to choose. His destiny is written. His fate is decided. He leaves the cave, passing his uncle on the way. He looks at him for just a moment. Just long enough to see the pleading in his eyes. He turns away, following Azula. 

The end of the tunnel leads to a spacious cavern with stone decorations. On the ground his sister is fighting both the Avatar and Katara and again, Zuko is impressed with the way Katara defends herself. He has enough trouble with Azula but she seems to be holding her own. It makes him hesitate, but when he sees the Avatar he knows what he must do. 

They have Azula surrounded and Zuko launches a ball of fire to distract them. He lands lightly across from Azula in position. She sends a glare at him and the Avatar and Katara seem wary of his presence. No one is sure what he is going to do and for a second he doesn’t either as he hesitates for a second time. 

_ My fate is decided.  _

He fires at the Avatar. Azula fires at Katara, but both their blows are blocked. He glances toward Katara secretly hoping his sister won’t hurt her only to see what he should’ve expected. She is holding her ground with immense power and skill. He allows himself this moment of worry. Just because his destiny requires them to be on opposing sides doesn’t mean he can’t be concerned about her. 

After confirming she’ll be okay he begins to blast blow after blow at the Avatar as he nimbly jumps out of the way of each wave of fire. When he gets an opening he returns attacks occasionally knocking Zuko to the ground. But Zuko is not one to stay down and continues to blast as much fire as he can at his target. He looks over to see Azula trapped by tentacles of water flowing from Katara’s arms. He feels a surge of pride and realizes that it's no use. He can’t protect her, and it won’t matter because whatever kind of bond they shared in the cave together is gone. She undoubtedly hates him and will hold no type of acceptance toward him especially after he betrayed her. He’s angry that she made him feel like he had any possibility of having a place with her when she should know as well he does the type of path he's on. And he knows what he has to do. 

He whips fire across the water holding Azula and the siblings switch opponents. Fire whips at water as Katara and Zuko face each other. 

“I thought you had changed!” Her voice is full of emotion that should make Zuko break but instead, he hardens just a little more because how dare she assume she knows him. Where Katara’s words were full of emotion, Zuko makes sure he is void of any. 

“I have changed” before throwing another blast at her. He hears a crash behind him and Azula is at his side meaning the Avatar must have been hit badly or run away. Blue and orange fire rain upon Katara. She blocks what she can, but Azula hits her with a blast that throws her back. Another crash and the Avatar is charging them on a hill of rocks. It’s the Dai Li that stop him as they fall around the cave. 

Katara continues to try and fight, but the Avatar begins to look hopeless. He gives in to his own thoughts and forms a cave of crystals around him. Zuko and Azula exchange a glance, still in fighting position, before the crystals begin to glow brighter. The Avatar rises out of the cave, eyes, and arrow alight. Zuko stares in disbelief but Azula takes no time before she attacks, striking him with a bolt of lightning to the back. The Avatar falls as Zuko continues to stare.  _ It's done,  _ he thinks. 

Suddenly, a wave crashes behind him and he's swept away by the water. He emerges to see Katara holding The Avatar’s lifeless body. Azula returns to an attacker's position before a blast of fire cuts across the cavern, coming from neither of the siblings. His uncle jumps nimbly considering his old age and tells the waterbender to run while he holds the rest off. Zuko doesn’t know if he’s prepared to fight his uncle, but luckily, he doesn’t have to. Before he’s made up his mind, Katara takes the Avatar up the waterfall and his uncle is captured. 

Even with everyone else in the room, Uncle Iroh watches only his nephew and Zuko stares back determined to show no emotion. His uncle has disappointment and anger painted clearly in his expression making it harder to keep his own face neutral. With the adrenaline of the battle gone, Zuko is filled again with shame. The Dai Li take Iroh away and Azula turns to Zuko, 

“I’m proud of you Zu-zu. And father will be too. You made the right choice.” Azula leaves and Zuko is left alone in the cavern. He waits a few minutes before falling to his knees, heartbreaking in his chest. He releases a cry of anguish and fire flies from every part of his body. He will never forget the way Uncle turned his face full of hurt, and the look Katara gave him as she flew through the water full of betrayal and disbelief. Later Zuko returns to the throne room where Azula is waiting for him. He stands next to her while she sits on the throne speaking of the overthrow and Ba Sing Se and how he can return home. 

“But, what if Father doesn’t return my honor?” He wonders aloud. 

“He doesn’t need to. Today, you restored your own honor.” Zuko looks away, not sure if he has. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh you made it through chapter 2!! Little more zatara yeah? I actually have a few more chapters already written I just gotta go through and edit them. And again, I’m really super open to any thoughts you guys might have.


	3. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5/29/20

**He who is thirsty dreams that he is drinking. ~ Chinese Proverb**

Eyes. Eyes as blue as the ocean and just as vast. They stare into his. He can’t see who they belong to, because the owner is so close and all he can see is their eyes. He’s drowning in their blueness. They make him feel vulnerable so he closes his own. A cold, soft hand touches his face, seeming to will him to open his eyes once again.

The eyes are still there, searching his. 

“I see you,” a voice says and Zuko knows they see deeper than the surface; reading his heart and soul like an open book. Finally, the person steps back and Zuko sees Katara’s face and shape come into focus. But he already knew those were her eyes. How could he forget them?

“I could heal you,” she says. Her voice is a whisper, soft, but it carries poison. He takes in his surroundings. He’s on a beach and the sky is clear and bright, the ocean carries gentle waves across the soft sand of the shore. He looks back to her and processes her words 

“Please” he almost whimpers. He doesn’t know even if she’s talking about his scar, but maybe if she took it, the action would take away all the pain he held inside as well. 

“But you don’t deserve it.” Her words come out like a hiss. The sky darkens and Zuko looks up to see the moon blocking the sun. He looks back down and sees his Uncle standing beside Katara. Their faces are full of hate and hurt. 

“You betrayed us,” they say in unison. 

“I had to!” He protests “I didn’t have a choice.” They won’t hear his reasoning as they both get into fighting stance and launch everything they have at him. The effect is that he’s drowning, drowning in boiling water. His skin feels as if it were being seared and his lungs are straining for air when the water around him crashes to the ground. The sky has turned a blood red and the waves are crashing against the shore. The scene itself is frightening, but not as frightening as what Katara and Uncle Iroh are becoming. They shed their skins and emerge as dragons. Uncle, a bright red, somehow contrasting the red of the sky, and Katara an icy blue. 

“You betrayed us!” Their voices bellow. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Zuko shouts at them, tears streaming down his face. The dragons are curling around him before stopping on either side of him, and they strike. 

Zuko shoots up, sweating in the early summer heat. His breathing is hard and fast, and when he reaches up to feel his face, he can’t tell if it's sweat or tears that have wet his cheeks. He kicks the blankets off and puts on his robe before stepping outside onto the balcony to try and collect himself in the night air. 

This isn’t the first time he’s had a nightmare since being back, and it's not the first time Katara was in one. Most of his nightmares revolve around her and Uncle and his betrayal of their trust. Her blue eyes haunt him. He hears the door open behind him but doesn’t bother looking. He’s safe here and even if he’s not, he doesn’t mind. He’s in enough pain as is. 

“Hey.” It's just Mai. He had forgotten that she was spending the night. 

“Hey,” he replies. 

“What are you doing out here? Getting sick of sleeping next to me?” She tries to joke. He gives her a slight smile but he’s in no mood to joke. She notices.“What’s wrong?” she asks. He had yet to tell her about the persistent nightmares he’d been having. 

“Nothing just a bizarre, bad dream.” 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“No.” There’s a finality in his voice. She grabs his hand. Her hands are warm, with long fingers and her skin like silk, as a nobleman's daughter's hands should be. 

“Then come back to bed.” 

“I’m not tired anymore.” She turns him toward her and he lets her. She steps close so her mouth is near his ear. 

“I bet we could do something that would make you tired” She suggests mischievously and places a gentle kiss below his earlobe before running her lips and tongue slowly and softly against his skin down his neck. Although the feeling should be intoxicating, it's just not. He backs away from her just an inch.

“No Mai, not tonight.” He grabs her face and kisses her gently to reassure her. “I’ll be back in just a moment. I just need a minute to clear my head. Go back to sleep.” She shrugs, not showing if she’s put off in any way. 

“If you say so. Just hurry. The bed gets cold without you.” He nods and turns back to the night sky as she returns to the room. 

Zuko has been home for weeks now. He’s been the perfect prince taking on duties and being silent unless spoken to. He continues to practice his firebending with Azula, still not close to catching up, but improving all the same. She actually hasn’t been the worst sister in the world. She continues to taunt him, but it could be worse. She could be trying to kill him. His father isn’t disgusted at the sight of him and the servants have accepted his place in the palace once again. He and Mai have been steady since he got back and although they have their arguments where he blows up and she stays cold and silent, their relationship is near perfect. They don’t spend a lot of time talking, typically using their mouths for other things, but neither of them seems to mind. Azula was right. He has everything he wants. He’s been accepted back into the fire nation and his father is proud of him and seems to love him in his own way. 

So why does it feel like something is missing? And it's not like a puzzle piece. It's like a whole section is missing. It's nights like these when the dreams wake him, and waterbenders with blue eyes haunt him that he feels more hopelessly lost than he ever has. He has been accepted into his rightful place and yet he still feels so alone. It frustrates him and makes him angry, angrier than he's ever been. He avoids addressing those feelings as often as he can because he knows he'll just end up finding something within him that he’s not ready to face yet. He tries to not think about that night in the crystal catacombs but when he does, it makes him wonder if he made the right choice.

* * *

Feelings can’t stay bottled forever, especially when your friends are pushing you to tell them what’s wrong. It hadn’t exactly been a pleasant day especially between him and Mai. The bright sun should’ve lifted his spirits but instead just made him more annoyed at everything. He tried to be a good boyfriend getting Mai a shell and ice cream, but she didn’t seem to care and even made snide remarks about it. Even with all his attempts of being his interpretation of a good boyfriend, she still felt she could let other guys flirt with her, and then has the audacity to be upset with him when he decides enough is enough. But it's more than that. 

He had another nightmare last night. More vivid than any of the others he’s had. It was of Katara. Again. He could feel her, really  _ feel  _ her there. 

She touched his scar again and looked at him with her ocean eyes. Yet the oceans were really moving like water and he realized a second later that it was because her eyes were filling with tears that slowly slid down her soft, tanned cheeks and onto the ground beneath them. 

“How could you?” She whispered. “I trusted you.” Her voice broke. 

“I know and I’m sorry” he couldn’t keep his own voice from breaking no matter how hard he tried. A blast of heat surrounded them as Katara cried out and crumpled to the ground. Zuko heard wicked laughter surrounding them but couldn’t face the source as he realized their surroundings were engulfed in darkness. He looked at Katara’s body, curled up, and smoking. The laughter continued, getting louder and more menacing. And Zuko woke up as he usually did, breathing heavily and covered in an icy sweat.

No, dreams like that didn’t bode well for good days to follow. And Mai’s behavior wasn’t helping. Nor was his guilt for having a girlfriend who loved him while he dreamed of someone else. By the time the group has gathered around the campfire, his anger is bubbling to a point where he knows it’s bound to burst. He tries taking deep breaths to keep it under control, but when Ty Lee mentions the picture of his family, it starts to go bad. He doesn’t want to remember what his family was once like because that’s no longer what it is. 

But what did she know? Her life is near perfect. It always has been. He knows he shouldn’t be saying the things he is to her but he won’t regret them until later and he really just needs a place to direct his anger as it is beginning to seeth out of control. But Ty Lee is confident with who she is so he changes targets and directs some anger to Mai who blatantly deserves it more than Ty Lee does. She has a better reaction which calms Zuko just a bit. 

But when the brunette acrobat mentions bad skin, it bubbles over and Zuko can’t contain it anymore. She makes bad skin sound like a choice like if they have good vibes or auras or whatever, their skin will be clear and perfect. Like if he can keep a good attitude, Zuko's scar will go away. He doesn’t really worry about normal teenage problems when he’s spent pretty much all of his teenage years considered to be a traitor to his own kingdom. It causes him to voice more than he had intended to about being angrier than ever before. Azula is shockingly helpful by trying to help him find the source of that anger instead of telling him to use it to conquer which is honestly what he was expecting. She asks who he is angry at, a question he’d been avoiding for months. He tries to get off the hook with easy answers: no one, everyone. 

“Is it dad?” 

“No, no” 

“Your uncle?”

“Me?”

“No, no, no!” Zuko’s anger becomes frustration as he’s forced to answer what he’d been bottling up. It’d been bottled for so long that finding the answer now became difficult. They pushed him with a chorus of “who’s” and “c’mon’s”

“I’m angry at myself!” He finally explodes, the outburst causing the campfire to become a pillar of flame. The moment of vulnerability and honesty makes him feel tired and defeated by his array of emotions. But Azula has apparently made it her goal to become his own personal, tortuous therapist.

“Why?” She asks.

_ Because I betrayed one of the only people who’s ever cared about me unconditionally. Because I have everything I’ve ever wanted and I’m still not happy. Because I’m not sure if I really can’t control destiny and even if I can’t, I still don’t know what my destiny truly is. Because my dreams are haunted by a young waterbender. _

Zuko can’t really say any of this so he sums it up best he can.

“Because I’m confused. Because I’m not sure if I know the difference between right or wrong anymore.” He continues to swim in his own thoughts after the girls had given him a push towards self-reflection. He barely notices Mai approach him, but she brings him back to earth, admitting how much she cares for him. He smiles softly and they share a tender kiss. Azula applauds dramatically, ironically commenting on their performances.

“I guess you wouldn’t understand would you, Azula.” He imagines her with everything he wants and now has, but she relishes in it and finds happiness where all he finds is confusion and frustration. “You’re just so perfect.” Zuko doesn't really listen to her response as he thinks about what he’s admitted, not just to his friends, but to himself as well. And yet, he doesn’t feel as if anything within him has been resolved. 

“What Lo and Li said came true. The beach did help us learn about ourselves. I feel all smoothed. I'll always remember this.” Zuko doesn’t feel as if he’s learned anything. But he knows this night has set him on an inevitable path at the end of which he’ll have to make a choice; does he give up the life he’s always dreamed of to find peace, or will he give up the chance of true happiness in the name of duty and destiny? 

  
  



	4. Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6/1/20

**Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~** **From a headstone in Ireland**

At what point Zuko decides to leave the fire nation, he’s not sure. Being angry all the time has just become so exhausting and he knows he won’t find peace if he sticks around here. Now is not the right time to leave though. If he leaves without anyone knowing, he’ll look like a coward, a boy too afraid to accept the throne and responsibility of being Firelord in the next few months. He’ll have to confront his father because he’d rather be considered a traitor than a coward. 

Not today, though. He knows the Eclipse is coming soon and he’ll have to leave then. That way, his father won’t be able to kill him where he stands. And it’ll give him time to actually think of a plan. All he knows is that he’ll leave and his father will know. He doesn't know where he’ll go or if he should tell Mai; if he should _bring_ Mai. He should probably bring someone, and there has to be someone who also wants to escape the Fire Nation. No, he won’t bring Mai. She’s a nobleman’s daughter, her place is in the capital. He’ll find someone, and somewhere to go. 

The answer surprisingly comes to him while he’s in a war meeting with his father and the advisors. 

“Firelord, we’ve gotten reports of an intended invasion on the palace on the day of the Eclipse.” The words peak both Zuko and Ozai’s interest. Ozai is amused, while Zuko is eager to hear more. He could leave with whoever is leading the invasion. Although it could be anyone he has a sneaking suspicion of who is leading it.

“The invasion is said to be led by a small band of men from the Southern Water Tribe along with some of the companions the Avatar had met along his travels while he was alive. It is said that they are on their way to overthrow you.” Ozai’s soft laugh is wicked.

“Hmm, that’s very interesting, and rather impressive that these brainless peasants found out about the Eclipse at all. Order all residents of the capital to stay inside their homes the day of the Eclipse. Zuko, Azula, and I will go to the bunker beneath the palace and wait until the Eclipse is over. These people are pathetic as is their invasion plan.”

“Sir, what if the Avatar is still alive and he finds you?” Ozai shoots a murderous glance at the advisor who dared speak such a thought causing the man to cower under the Firelord’s glance.

“Is the Avatar alive Zuko?”

“There’s no way.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Positive.” Ozai doesn’t seem to catch the lie Zuko had just told but Azula’s eyes glance across her father at her brother. Both of them seem to be questioning the certainty of the Avatar’s death. There is really no way of knowing if he’s dead or alive. Ozai continues to speak.

“Even if the Avatar had survived Ba Sing Se, he would’ve been injured, unable to train for months. Furthermore, there would be no way he could have found a firebending teacher by now and mastered the element. If by some miracle, he finds his way to the Fire Nation, he will be weak and just a boy who has mastered more elements than one, not an Avatar, and not a threat to me or my palace.”

It had been decided. If the Avatar was still alive, Zuko would chase him one last time, so he could teach him firebending. With Ozai being aware of the invasion that was coming, the small group of rebels didn’t stand a chance of overthrowing the Firelord on that day. 

That night, Zuko paces around the room trying to form more of a plan. The water tribe was coming which meant Katara would be with them too. He wouldn't be able to just hop on board and say he’s changed without being stabbed by...well pretty much anyone at that point. He’d have to follow them but he’d have to be fast. If the Avatar was with them, which at this point seemed more likely than not, they would leave on the sky bison and probably not stick to water. He’d have to take a war balloon and just hope the friends didn’t see him and shoot him from the sky. Finally, Zuko decides it was time he freed his uncle from prison. He wasn’t expecting forgiveness or even for his uncle to want to stay by his side, but he couldn’t leave him behind. Not again. 

* * *

Everything seems planned out. He had a week to prepare himself. A week before he was nothing more than a traitorous prince once again. 

He was ready. The items he was bringing were packed, there was a warship prepared by the soldiers at his request, and a note had been written to Mai. It was pathetic, he’d admit, but he just couldn’t see any other way to do it. He had to keep this to himself before he left and telling Mai in person could compromise that. He could feel the Eclipse coming, his body weakening. He knew it would only get worse but he was already slightly fatigued and the flame he held in front of him was flickering weakly. He, his father, and his sister made their way down to the bunker through tunnels and staircases. He couldn’t help but think of his descent to the catacombs under Ba Sing Se. It made his stomach twinge a bit but he promised himself he would set things right. At one point his father took a different turn to go to a room on the other side of the bunker than the throne room. Plans had changed, and they decided it would be best for Zuko and Azula to stay in the throne room to distract anyone who could possibly find the bunker. Just a precaution. The fire prince and princess continued until they entered a vast room with nothing but pillars, and a long crimson carpet leading to a single throne. 

“Well Zu-zu, it looks like there’s only room for one in this chair and since I know you’re _such_ a gentleman I’ll go ahead and take it before you offer.” She plops into the throne, looking just a little too excited to be taking that seat instead of her older brother.

“Fine by me,” Zuko mumbled. He took a seat on the carpet crossing his legs and closing his eyes, faking meditation. He was really running through the very basic draft of the plan: confront his father, free his uncle, follow the bison. He had to take action as soon as the Eclipse began. At first, while constructing his steps, he wasn’t sure how he'd be able to do that, as he couldn’t see the Eclipse itself. But as his energy drained a little more every minute, he knew he’d feel the power of a full Eclipse without question. He had combed out the details in his mind, everything becoming a little clearer since he was now in the position he needed to be in. It would be useful to do some actual meditating. He cleared his mind and focused on the energy around him. It was dwindling, but not altogether gone. He heated and cooled the air around him, taking deep breaths as he-

“Zu-zu if we’re going to be in this bunker together all day, don’t you want to do something more entertaining than meditating?” _In through the nose, out through the mouth._ Zuko thought as his sister tested his patience.

“What exactly do you have in mind?” 

“We could spar for a little while.” 

“I don’t think that would be wise. What with an Eclipse and an invasion coming our way. We’ll need our strength if we’re gonna have a chance at fighting anyone off.” She huffed. 

“I think you’re just scared I’ll kick your butt.”

“Always the little sister.” He taunted. She huffed again, more aggressively, letting a bit of smoke come out of her mouth.

“Fine. But I don’t see what the big deal is. We can take a few water tribe warriors, even if that pathetic water bending peasant is with them.” Zuko took another deep breath so he didn’t give himself away by defending Katara. “Unless you think the Avatar is with them.” Zuko continued to breathe silently. “I saw your reaction in the war council when he was brought up Zu-zu. You’re a horrible liar. You don’t think he’s really dead.” It wasn’t a question but when Zuko opened his eyes his sister was staring at him inquisitively as if she expected an answer. He stretched out his legs and leaned his weight on his arms behind him.

“I can’t be completely sure. But every day it seems more likely that he’s alive.”

“Why?” Her voice sounded like she wasn’t really asking for an answer, she was demanding one. 

“The girl, the waterbender, she has healing abilities. It’s possible she healed him.” He doesn’t mention the Spirit Water

“We saw him fall. He was dead. What makes you so convinced of otherwise?”

“I’m not convinced. Just doubtful of the alternative. And with a group coming to invade the palace, it seems like the people still have hope. A hope they wouldn’t have if they really thought the Avatar was dead.”

“Maybe they’re coming for revenge.”

“In that case, they’d be coming for you and me, not for father.” She nodded.

“Well, Zu-zu I’ll admit I had been thinking the same thing. But I’m ready to face the Avatar again, firebending or not. Father was right, he’ll be weak, and he’s a fool for coming here.” Zuko blinked at his sister and her unabashed confidence before returning to a meditative position. The energy had been almost sucked from the air completely, Zuko could now only change the temperature around him by a few degrees. The eclipse was getting close. 

“The energy in the air is dwindling,” Zuko commented out loud.

“Obviously. I can feel it too.” Zuko stood up. 

“I'm gonna go look around see what everyone else is doing, see if I can find the Avatar on the way.” She stares at him curiously. 

“Whatever you say,” she says. He walks toward the large metal door and pulls it open. “Goodbye Zu-zu.” She says it as if she knows he's leaving, but she doesn't stop him. He turns his head and gives a swift nod before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

The rest of the bunker is silent. It seems as if there is no one else there. He hurries quickly to the room the Firelord is in knowing the Eclipse would begin in seconds. He stops as he hears sets of light quick footsteps heading down the hall he's about to enter; they stop and he hears a small frightened voice tell the intruders the location of the throne room, where the Firelord is not. 

“Thanks!” says a cheerful voice. _So he is alive._ Zuko creeps a look down the hall that the Avatar is inevitably running down and sees the group disappearing around the corner. He finds himself disappointed that Katara’s not with them and wonders where she is. But after he knows they’ve left he runs swiftly to his father’s room. He arrives at a small door. He looks at the handle. _Not yet,_ he thinks. He holds out a hand in front of him and tries to create a ball of fire in it. It’s barely passable as a flame. It continues to dwindle until it is nothing but a spark, and then nothing. He tries to light the flame again without success. The Eclipse has begun. 

“I’m ready to face you.” He mutters to himself before opening the door and stepping inside.

His father seems shocked to see him. 

“Prince Zuko? What are you doing here?” he demands. 

“I’m here to tell the truth.” His father sends a wicked grin at him that nearly sends shivers down Zuko’s spine.

“Telling the truth during the middle of an Eclipse. This should be interesting.” Zuko takes it as an invitation to speak, and so he begins.

“First of all, in Ba Sing Se, it was Azula who took down the Avatar, not me.” Why he wanted to set the record straight, he wasn’t sure, but he was going to tell the truth, all of it. 

“Why would she lie to me about that?” The Firelord still seems amused by this whole situation.

“Because the Avatar's not dead. He survived.” The grin is wiped off his face and he betrays himself by giving Zuko a horrified look.

“What?” Zuko now has the power in this conversation. 

“In fact, he’s leading this invasion. And he’s here. Now.” Ozai looks nearly scared by the thought of this but it immediately turns to anger.

“Get out! Get out of my sight right now if you know what's good for you!” The prince almost turns and leaves but knows he’s not done yet.

“That's another thing. I'm not taking orders from you anymore.”

“You will obey me, or this defiant breath will be your last!” But each defiant breath encourages another until they are defiant actions. He pulls out his swords threateningly. 

“Think again. I am going to speak my mind, and you are going to listen.” Ozai falls silent and Zuko pauses, thinking of where to go next. “For so long, all I wanted was for you to love me, to accept me. I thought it was my honor I wanted, but really, I was just trying to please you. You, my father, who banished me just for talking out of turn. My father, who challenged me, a thirteen-year-old boy, to an Agni Kai. How could you possibly justify a duel with a child?”

“It was to teach you respect!” Which Zuko knew was not much of a justification. 

“It was cruel! And it was wrong.” Even without the ability to change the temperature, the room was heating up from the anger emanating off both of the men in the room. 

“Then you have learned nothing!”

“No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world.” Zuko thought back to his travels. To Lee, who was his friend and then feared him and hated him for his bending. To Jet, who was so determined to bring him and his uncle down because of the _suspicion_ that they were firebenders. And to Katara, who lost her mother in a raid on her village and had never quite healed from it. “What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness.” At this last line, Ozai laughs at what he thinks is an absolutely ridiculous declaration it is.

“Your uncle has gotten to you hasn’t he?” He means it as an insult, but Zuko smiles fondly at the thought of his uncle and the knowledge that they will see each other again this afternoon.

“Yes, he has.” He says it proudly knowing his uncle was more of a father to him than this man before him ever was. It angers Ozai even further that his own son took after his weak buffoon of a brother. As this is his time of speaking truth, Zuko decides to voice his thoughts. “After I leave here today, I'm gonna free Uncle Iroh from his prison and I'm gonna beg for his forgiveness. He's the one who's been a real father to me.” Ozai laughs once again.

“Oh, that's just beautiful. And maybe he can pass down to you the ways of tea and failure.” he mocks.

“But I've come to an even more important decision. I'm going to join the Avatar and I'm going to help him defeat you.”

“Really? Since you're a full-blown traitor now and you want me gone, why wait? I'm powerless. You've got your swords. Why don't you just do it now?” Zuko had considered doing such a thing but knew it wasn’t his place. 

“Because I know my own destiny. Taking you down is the Avatar's destiny.” He can feel his time of confrontation is ending as he knows the Eclipse will soon be over so he turns to leave. “Goodbye.”

 _“_ Coward! You think you're brave enough to face me, but you'll only do it during the Eclipse. If you have any real courage, you'll stick around until the sun comes out. Don't you want to know what happened to your mother?” Zuko pauses. He shouldn't. He shouldn't turn back around. He knows it's a trap and he should keep walking and never look back. But he has to know.

“What happened that night?”

“My father, Fire Lord Azulon, had commanded me to do the unthinkable to you, my own son, and I was going to do it.” _Azula didn’t lie._ “Your mother found out and swore she would protect you at any cost.” _A mother protects her babies._ “She knew I wanted the throne and she proposed a plan, a plan in which I would become Fire Lord and your life would be spared. Your mother did vicious, treasonous things that night. She knew the consequences and accepted them. For her treason, she was banished.” _Banished._ Tears prick the prince's eyes as he realizes what this could mean. 

“So, she’s alive?” He can’t help it, he has to know. His father looks smug at his son’s attention. He’s stalling and Zuko knows it. But he _has_ to know.

“Perhaps.” The Firelord says calmly, the ball now back in his court. “Now I realize that banishment is far too merciful a penalty for treason. Your penalty will be far steeper.” Zuko feels power fill his veins and though there is the relief that he has his bending back, he is also filled with fear when he realizes his father does too.

But he’s ready. The bolt of lightning shoots from his father’s fingertips and time seems to slow down. Zuko takes a deep breath and he watches the lightning come his way much more sluggish than lightning should, but still quick. He holds out his left arm ready to take in this raw energy. The bolt shoots through his fingers and he can feel the energy in him. It almost feels like too much, and Zuko is sure he is about to explode. _Through the stomach. Flow like a waterbender._

He brings his hand holding the lightning through his stomach and directs it into the other arm. He can feel it moving within him and points the energy right back at his father. It’s not a direct hit, falling just before his father's feet, but it's enough to cause an explosion that sends Ozai to collide with the wall behind him. Zuko is gone before the smoke can clear. 

He runs out of the bunker, dao swords in hand, but doesn’t encounter anyone on the way out, or on the way to the prison tower, or in the cell that should be holding his uncle. He’s gone. The guard says he escaped on his own and it was unlike anything he’d ever seen. There is a pride in Zuko that his uncle can be so impressive, but it is accompanied by a bit of disappointment. It means he’ll be traveling alone. He hadn’t realized it but he was counting on his uncle to help him earn the trust of the Avatar. He had hoped that after what the old man did in Ba Sing Se, he could vouch for Zuko and his change of heart. Now Uncle was nowhere to be found. Now, he knew, he had to do this on his own and he had absolutely no idea how he would do that. He wasn't trustworthy, and the one time he had gained trust with one of them, he broke it magnificently. They had no reason to accept him, but he had to try, he thought as he followed the air bison through the clouds. 

His uncle also could have given him some significant advice or truth as Zuko thought about his mother. Or at least distracted him. Instead, he sat in the basket of the war balloon, occasionally warming the heat or checking to make sure he was still on track, alone with nothing but the thoughts that consumed him. She had been banished and she may not be dead. She could’ve fled to someplace safe, probably in the Earth Kingdom. But the Earth Kingdom was vast and overpopulated. Even Ba Sing Se had almost more people than the entire Fire Nation. 

He tried to think of places she may have fled to. She had spoken of times when she was a girl visiting Ba Sing Se with her nobleman father. But that was all and Zuko did not think his mother would flee to a place so industrialized and overpopulated. She enjoyed nature, and occasionally solitude. That didn’t narrow it down at all. Even if he had an idea as to where she might’ve gone, he couldn’t look for her now. His newfound destiny awaited him at...well wherever the Avatar was headed. He couldn’t abandon it, now that he had agreed with himself to teach the boy firebending. He could think about it more and look for her after the war was over. If he wasn’t killed before then. 

He stopped considering the future and his thoughts wandered to the past. His mother comforting him after a particularly hard firebending lesson telling him she was proud of him no matter what. Taking walks through the cherry blossom trees in the courtyards where he would find the most perfect flowers he could and placing them in her hair. Her tucking him into bed, and then tickling him mercilessly when that concerned frown of his overcame his face. Telling him he would be the best Firelord the world had ever seen, not because of his power, but because of his patience. 

An aching took over Zuko’s body that he hadn’t experienced in years. A feeling of longing and grief because he had lost his biggest supporter and his best friend. He had thought she was gone but now there was the possibility of her being alive and being by his side again. He let sobs rack his body and he felt like a scared little boy again, who didn’t know what the future held without his mother to guide him and love him unconditionally.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm sorry I know I use a lot of dialogue from the show but I just think its really good and its really fun to build off of! I'm working on the next few chapters RIGHT NOW I'm just trying to figure out how to divide them. And you guys already know what's coming up. Western Air Temple, Southern Raider??!! Huh? Huuuuhh? Really excited to write those. Big big thanks to everyone who is reading this!! Uhh yeah, I think that's it :)


	5. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6/2/20

**Trust is won not given. ~ Tobsha Learner**

Zuko returned to his makeshift camp after the meeting with the Avatar and his friends. As per usual, his emotions are all over the place. While he sets up a campfire he feels regret for all of the things he had done to the group. He also feels understanding as to why they wouldn’t trust him seeing as he had given them a million and one reasons not to. But mostly he just feels angry at himself as he replayed the things he said to them and wondered if he could have said anything more idiotic. Even the way he started out: “Hi, Zuko here.”  _ Zuko here?  _ He thinks to himself in disgust. As if they didn’t know who he was. When he was practicing his speech to the badger toad it sounded friendly-ish, but now he realizes he just sounded dumb. 

The bison had kept licking him which he actually didn’t mind since it seemed to be the only friendly gesture he’d be getting. And then assuming they were surprised to see him after, as Sokka pointed out, he had tracked them all over the world, appearing out of the blue in every place they stopped? Also an attempt to sound friendly, but falling short. Their reaction, even though it had been what he was expecting, threw him off as he tried to remember the speech he had practiced. Instead, it sounded clunky and awkward which probably made him sound insincere and unsure if he really wanted to join him. But he was sure. The only part he was unsure of was how to convince them of that. 

Of course, he was dumb enough to bring up the fact that he had made mistakes in the past, all of which still seemed to be fresh in their minds. It couldn’t have gotten much worse except it did, because Zuko brought up the assassin he had sent after them. They didn’t know it was him that did it, so why had he mentioned it at all? It was a grave mistake. He should’ve stopped there. He should’ve turned around and left and waited until he could do something that would earn their trust. Actions did speak louder than words after all. But he kept going. He remembered how the Avatar had once thought they could be friends. This was just another time he wronged the monk seeing as after he said that, Zuko had said nothing and only sent a fireball his way. 

He knew it would be difficult but he didn’t expect it to be  _ this  _ difficult. He got frustrated trying to convince them that he was good and he was sorry but it didn’t seem to matter. Raising his voice was definitely not the right course of action but Zuko had a history of letting his emotions get away from him. He realized that only a little too late when they told him to leave.

He had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but as a last resort, he offered himself as a prisoner with no such luck. A blast of water had hit him and he forced himself to turn and go, unsure of his next move. 

Now, he stares into the flames, reliving that moment and every interaction with them before that. Every single mistake he’d made along the way. He thought of the time he had earned their trust. First with Aang, after saving him as the Blue Spirit, then with Katara in Ba Sing Se. He had hoped that since he had earned trust before, he could do it again. But trust is not something that can be easily fixed once it's broken. 

And he hadn’t broken their trust, he crushed it into tiny pieces. It’s why Katara was angrier than any of them. The earthbending girl seemed annoyed, the Avatar was wary of his presence, Sokka was unforgiving, but Katara was furious. It was the kind of anger that came from more than mistrust, it came from hurt, and Zuko knew why. He had tried to relate to her, got her to feel bad for him and care about him even slightly, and then turned his back on her. 

Yes, it was so obviously stupid of him to go there without more to offer. It really couldn’t have gone any worse, he thinks to himself as he scoots into bed and pulls the blankets up to his neck. 

He’s woken up only a few minutes later by a rustle in the trees. There’s someone there. 

“Stay back!” he shouts, sending a wave of fire in the direction of the noise. 

“It’s me!” he hears, followed by a cry of pain. It was the earthbender. Zuko quickly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes trying to make sense of what was happening. 

“You burned my feet!” Zuko panics. 

“I’m sorry!” He runs over ready to help. He thinks of the burn ointment in his bag and knew she needed some immediately. But as he runs towards her, he's met with hurled rocks which he dodges. He tries to grab her, apologizing the entire time and insisting help. When he finally gets a hold of her, rock slams into his chest and pushes him through the air, knocking the air out of him.

“I didn’t know it was you!” He tries to explain his actions. “Come back!” As if he needed another reason to feel stupid. Whichever Spirits were in charge of the universe, obviously had it out for Zuko. He couldn’t go after her now. She was long gone, probably digging a tunnel to hide in. And not with the bruise he felt forming on his chest. He’d have to go back tomorrow and apologize with some ointment, no matter the consequences. 

* * *

Zuko stands on the opposite side of the ravine, looking over the temple to find the group. He can’t quite remember which building they’re camping in. What he sees instead makes his stomach drop. The assassin he had hired stands on a ledge also seeming to scan the buildings to find his target. They couldn’t get away this time, not while the building that hung could easily fall from one too many explosions. He had to get to the assassin before the man found his target. He had to call this off. 

He sees a rope hanging from one of the closer buildings and doesn’t stop to think before getting a running start and jumping towards it. The jump is further than he calculated and Zuko thinks that this would be a pretty pathetic way to die. He gives himself a small boost using a burst of flame and is able to grab hold of the rope. The rope moves with his momentum and Zuko’s instincts had accurately predicted his trajectory as he swung around the building and kicked the assassin, throwing off the explosion he had just sent toward the Avatar. The huge man had fallen but as he gets up he doesn’t give Zuko a second glance, instead, keeping his gaze on the group below. 

“Stop!” Zuko calls out. It was a feeble attempt he realizes as the man continues to ignore him. He jumps in front of the assassin trying to get his attention. 

“I’m ordering you to stop!” But he is shoved aside as the assassin prepares for another shot. Zuko tries everything he can to stop what’s happening: withdrawing payment, offering more payment, and finally trying to fight him off himself. The man doesn’t even seem to hear him and thinks of Zuko as more of a nuisance rather than the person who had hired him. When he finally does acknowledge Zuko, it is with murder in his eyes. The firebender quickly pulls a shield of flames around himself just as the man fires a shot right at him. It’s enough to keep him from exploding but still pushes him off the edge of the building. 

He scrambles and is able to grab hold of a vine and starts to make his climb up. He continues to hear explosions and sees the assassin jump from one building to another. The Avatar sends tornados and Katara sends tidal waves but it isn’t enough. Zuko feels a need to be down there helping them but knows he has to get off this vine first. He’d be no use to them dead. It’s over before he makes it back to the ledge. He didn’t see what happened but it seemed the man had somehow...malfunctioned and caused himself to explode and the building to topple into the ravine with him on it. Zuko hurries to the building that the rest of the group was in to make sure everyone else is okay. He can’t have anyone else get hurt because of his mistakes. When he gets there and sees everyone in one piece, he breathes a sigh of relief. The Avatar is the first to speak.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but, thanks Zuko.” The words take him by surprise seeing as it's his fault the assassin was there at all. He realizes that this may be his only chance to gain their trust again and begins to talk, keeping himself much more composed than the day before. 

“Listen, I know I didn't explain myself very well yesterday, I've been through a lot in the last few years, and it's been hard. But I'm realizing that I had to go through all those things to learn the truth. I thought I had lost my honor, and that somehow my father could return it to me. But I know now that no one can give you your honor. It's something you earn for yourself, by choosing to do what's right. All I want to do now is play my part in ending this war, and I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world.” They haven’t said anything yet so he turns to the earthbender, “I'm sorry for what I did to you.” He bows in a way that shows sincerity and respect, “It was an accident. Fire can be dangerous and wild, so as a firebender, I need to be more careful and control my bending, so I don't hurt people unintentionally.”

There’s only a moment of quiet before the Avatar responds.

“I think you  _ are _ supposed to be my firebending teacher. When I first tried to learn firebending, I burned Katara, and after that, I never wanted to firebend again. But now I know you understand how easy it is to hurt the people you love. I'd like you to teach me.” The monk bows to Zuko. Zuko is both surprised again by his words as well as relieved to hear he’s been accepted. He returns the bow.

“Thank you. I'm so happy you've accepted me into your group.”

“Not so fast. I still have to ask my friends if it's okay with them.” He turns to the earthbender and Zuko is worried about what she’ll say because of what happened last night. “Toph, you're the one that Zuko burned. What do you think?”

“Go ahead and let him join. It'll give me plenty of time to get back at him for burning my feet.” Zuko knows she means it and cringes at the thought of rocks hitting him the chest again. He thought Toph would be the most difficult to convince but forgot about who else would have to agree: a pair of water tribe siblings he’s wronged a few more times than Toph.

“Sokka?” There’s a moment of hesitation before he shrugs.

“Hey, all I want is to defeat the Fire Lord. If you think this is the way to do it, then, I'm all for it.” A small wave of relief overcomes Zuko before it is stamped out by the look on Katara’s face. She’s glaring at the ground seeming to be lost in memories. Memories of months being chased, hunted, and captured. Memories from the catacombs underneath the Earth Kingdom.

“Katara?” Aang asks gently. The way he says her name makes Zuko know that it's her opinion he values most. If either of the others had said no when she said yes, he would’ve still let Zuko join. Her word is the final say. She turns her glare to Zuko and he can feel himself begin to sweat. Her opinion matters to him too. If she says no, they won’t have to ask him to leave, he’ll go on his own. She turns to Aang.

“I'll go along with whatever you think is right.” She says harshly. The way she says it doesn’t quite sound like a yes but Zuko knows its agreement enough for him to be able to stay. The wave of relief washes over him again and he takes a step towards them.

“I won't let you down! I promise!” The group doesn't reply, they simply disperse without looking at him and Zuko knows that he’s not quite accepted, and he’s definitely not trusted. He’s just being tolerated. Instead of disappointment, he’s filled with determination. He  _ won’t _ let them down. 

Zuko goes back to his camp to collect his things, still elated and disbelieving that he has a pack to travel with and a purpose to fulfill. When he returns, Sokka is standing at the edge of the fountain, staring at nothing like he's deep in thought. He hears Zuko approaching and turns to him.

“Ah, there’s our hotman! Thought maybe you’d run off.” Zuko doesn’t know how to respond so he just stares at the other boy. Sokka nods awkwardly. “Well. Anyways. I’m supposed to show you your room so uh just follow me I guess. You should be good at that.” Zuko can’t tell if he’s joking or still bitter about the last few months so stays silent. “Tough crowd,” he hears Sokka mutter before he turns away and walks into the temple. Zuko follows him through the corridors before Sokka walks through a door into a simple bedroom furnished with nothing but a bed. 

“So, here you go, home sweet home, I guess, you know, for now.” Zuko walks past him and sets the few things he has on the bed. “Unpack? Lunch, soon? Uhhh ... Welcome aboard?” Zuko turns around and gives a small smile of gratitude. He can tell Sokka’s uncomfortable but seems to be putting it off anyways which Zuko appreciates. The smile seems to be enough for Sokka as he gives a small yeah and turns to leave. 

There’s only one bag on the bed and it's not filled with very much. He first pulls out a portrait of Uncle Iroh and remembers the last time he was at the Western Air Temple. He remembers the advice his uncle gave him. 

“You know Prince Zuko, destiny is a funny thing. You never know how things are going to work out. But if you keep an open mind, and an open heart, I promise you will find your own destiny someday.” It’s a bittersweet memory. He hopes his uncle would be proud of him for finding his own destiny but there’s always the nagging in the back of his mind of whether or not his uncle would forgive him for his betrayal. His thoughts are interrupted by someone entering his room. 

He stands when he sees Katara and can’t help the small smile that creeps onto his face. There’s a tiny fluttering in his chest he refuses to acknowledge but he’s also just grateful for her willingness to let him stay. It seems gratitude is a feeling he’s starting to get familiar with. He’s about to express his thanks when she begins to speak in the same harsh voice she used when she allowed him to join. 

“ You might have everyone else here buying your ... transformation,” Zuko feels his smile leave his face” but you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past.” As if he needed a reminder. Her posture becomes threatening as she takes a step closer. “So let me tell you something, right now. You take one step backward, one slip-up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends ... right then and there. Permanently.” She turns to leave and Zuko knows the waterbender is not one to make empty threats. He  _ won’t _ let  _ her _ down.

* * *

He’s really determined to get the group to trust him. It starts with his adventure to the remains of the Sun Warrior civilization. After that, he feels as if he really has Aang’s trust. They saw something and felt something that you can’t really convey to other people which is evident by the way the rest of the group pokes fun at their “dance.”

He tries to do smaller things around the camp by helping and trying his best to keep his cool at all times. It's not something he’s used to but it's also much easier than it was in the Fire Nation and while traveling the world. There’s something about the group's upbeat attitude that helps him stay optimistic as well. Of course, it can be incredibly annoying sometimes but probably because Zuko has always been more of a pessimist. 

He tries to involve himself with the group while they sit around the fire and trade stories and jokes but often finds himself still feeling like an outsider and usually goes to bed earlier than everyone else. 

But when he is with the group he finds ways to help. As long as it's not Katara he’s helping. He once asked her if she would like any help with cooking dinner to which she gave him a firm no that seemed to communicate something more. Something that seemed kind of like  _ I hate you  _ so Zuko didn’t ask again. One time he tried to help with the dishes without asking to see if that would work but she sent a seething glare at him with so much heat he was surprised his clothes didn’t catch fire and so he quickly left it alone and went to bed. 

Sometimes he’d go fishing with Sokka, but usually when they got to the river Sokka would sit with him for a minute before telling him to stay there and saying he would see if he could find anything downstream. It made sense covering more of the river but it was mostly because Sokka didn't seem to like being alone with Zuko for more than a few minutes. 

The only person who really seemed to accept his help besides Aang was Toph, who had him stand and be used as target practice for the Avatar in training. Aang wasn’t the best earthbender which meant it wasn’t too hard to block his blows. But it also meant that when he got it wrong, Toph would “show him” how to do it which consisted of her sending boulders Zuko’s way with incredible speed and strength. She hadn’t been kidding when she said she’d get him back. 

Slowly though, the group started to accept him more and more. He found himself going to bed later and later as they included him in conversation around the fire. Sometimes he made tea but swore he saw them toss a full cup of liquid behind them before giving him the biggest grin they could manage. He laughed at their jokes and sometimes told his own, even though they weren’t very funny. 

Then Sokka wanted to talk to him. And before he knew it, he was on another adventure with one of the group members. The Boiling Rock was a high-security prison and if they were going to get out alive, they’d have to trust each other. It took a lot of trust to let Sokka arrest him and even more trust when he decided to stay instead of following through with his plan. But when it really came down to it, it was Mai who allowed them to escape. Zuko’s Mai who stuck by his side no matter what. Whose heart was broken because Zuko couldn’t decide where his destiny lay. And who was now prisoner because she still loved him even after everything he’d done to her. Some boyfriend he was. 

He tried not to dwell on Mai too much on his way back. But it was hard especially with Sokka and Suki making goo-goo eyes at each other the whole way. He remembered when he saw Mai the same way the couple in the war airship saw each other. But he wasn’t sure if he did anymore. He’d changed and evidently, so had she. They weren’t the same people they once were. Maybe when this war was over they’d find their way back to each other again both physically and emotionally. 

The experience definitely caused Zuko to gain Sokka’s unshakable trust though. Escaping prison together and saving each other’s lives several times creates bonds between people. He felt like Sokka was more like a brother to him now than just a friend. 

That night they fell asleep by the fire after exchanging stories for hours. Hakoda had been from prison to prison, interrogated to say where the Avatar had disappeared to but he didn’t know so they stopped with the interrogations. He wasn’t treated any more kindly. The prisons were harsh and he told stories of the riots his men started and the different escapes they had attempted. Eventually, the guards had singled Hakoda out as a mastermind of most of the plans as well as the leader of the invasion and took him to Boiling Rock. 

The group told of how they arrived at the Western Air Temple and Zuko was waiting for them. Almost all had positive stories and how he had turned out to be really helpful and always willing to accommodate anyone on some type of mission, dangerous or otherwise. In the airship, Hakoda had seemed cold and wary of Zuko, untrusting as his children were, but by the end of the night, he was thanking him for his help and acting much more warmly. 

Chit Sang talked of how before he and his girlfriend were imprisoned, they led a number of raids of rebellion in the Fire Nation. The soldiers suspected it was them but had no solid evidence so instead convicted them of something minor and they were found guilty and sent to Boiling Rock. The two of them had been in there for three and a half years and not once had Chit Sang lost his stubbornness or his determination to escape. He vowed to go back for his girlfriend once he had the means of freeing her. He even sang a song at one point much to everyone’s amusement. 

The general mood had been lifted from the new companions and good stories before they went to sleep. However, they were woken up by the sound of explosions and rumbling stones. Several Fire Nation airships emerged from the clouds and the ceiling began to crumble. Zuko was wide awake and pumping with adrenaline. A huge block of stones began to fall right where Katara was standing. Out of instinct he ran towards her and tackled her to the ground just as the rock crashed where she was not seconds before. He slid on his back with her on top of him so he wouldn’t hurt her in his rescue attempt. Maybe this life saving would be the moment he needed to get her to trust him. Or maybe not. 

“What are you doing?” She cried out indignantly.

“Keeping rocks from crushing you,” he replied matter-of-factly. 

“Okay I’m not crushed you can get off me now.” She got up quickly and ran back to the rest of the group as Toph and Haru opened a tunnel. He couldn't believe how stubborn she was. 

“I’ll take that as a thank you,” he muttered to himself. He got up but instead ran to the edge of the wall. 

“What are you doing?” Aang asked. 

“Go ahead! I’ll hold them off. I think this is a family visit.” Sure enough, as he reached the edge of the temple, Azula rose on an airship, grinning from ear to ear. A usual look for her when things were blowing up. 

“What are you doing here?” he demanded.

“You mean it's not obvious yet? I’m about to celebrate becoming an only child!”  _ We’ll see about that  _ he thought. She shot a blast of blue flames from her feet which forced him back, losing his balance as he did so. The building began to crumble around him as he got up and ran towards her airship, shooting at her while he did. He jumped onto the ship but it was just a little too short as he began to slip down the side and then was falling through the clouds.  _ Not again _ he thought. He saw a red mass rising beneath him and straightened himself out before blasting from his hands and feet, slowing his fall and allowing him to land lightly onto the airship. 

It rose until he was at eye level with Azula and then lept again this time landing neatly onto her ship despite the blue flames he had to block on the way. Blue hit orange over and over again as Zuko took steps toward his sister. They threw a blast at the same time sending them both toppling over either side of the ship. Zuko had seen the bison flying towards him though and flew towards the ground head first until his hand found Katara’s and she pulled him into the saddle. He watched his sister flail as she continued to fall, no one there to save her. 

“She’s not going to make it.” He muttered in disbelief, but also with an edge of fear. This was still his sister after all. But she blasted herself to the cliffside and used her hairpin to slow her fall. 

“Of course she did,” he muttered again, disappointed in himself for doubting her and hoping that she’d be okay. 

They ride until the sun begins to fall low in the sky. Sokka has his arm around Suki and she leans her head onto his shoulder. He occasionally places kisses into her hair. The sight of it is enough to make Zuko nauseous. Toph sits right across from them, and Zuko is suddenly jealous of her blindness. Zuko is sitting in the back of the saddle, leaning on the supplies and letting his head fall back so he can look at the clouds instead of at the couple. Katara sits at the front, closest to Aang. Every once in awhile he feels himself being watched and catches her giving him pointed, curious looks. Apparently them saving each other’s lives still isn’t enough for her to trust him. The ride is silent as they think of the people they left behind. They had grown close and felt comfort in their numbers which had now been cut in half. 

They land on an ocean cliffside, just as the sun kisses the water. They unpack in silence as well. Sokka and Suki set up tents, Katara and Aang go to look for fruits and berries to eat, Zuko starts a fire, and Toph does nothing. It had annoyed them at first but Sokka told him that she never does anything to help. It annoyed Katara too, at first, but they all gave up when they realized the fighting wasn’t really worth it. The sun has sunk behind the water by the time they’re sitting around the fire. The fire is familiar and the silence is finally broken as they begin to joke and talk as they had in the air temple. It's times like these that Zuko can really appreciate the flames for the life they bring together rather than the ones they destroy. 

“Wow camping,” Aang says as the laughter dies down after another one of Sokka’s jokes. “It really seems like old times again doesn’t it?” 

“If you really want it to feel like old times I could uh chase you around a while and try to capture you.” It's a lame joke but everyone laughs anyways. Everyone except Katara that is, but he’s used to it. It doesn't make it any less annoying but he’s used to it. No one else seems to notice as Sokka raises his cup and proposes a toast to Zuko. Everyone, excluding Katara, of course, gives a hearty “here here.” 

“I’m touched,” he says. And he really is. He felt honored to finally find acceptance especially with this little ragtag band of kids set on saving the world. “I don’t deserve this.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Katara says in her harsh voice she only uses with Zuko before standing up to leave. 

“What’s with her?” Sokka's words reflect Zuko’s thoughts. He gets up to follow her. 

“I wish I knew.” Enough is enough. He has to figure out what Katara’s problem is. He doesn't know why but he’s so determined to get her to like him. At this point, she’s being ridiculous. No one else is put off by Zuko’s presence anymore even though he’s done much worse things to Aang. Even Suki, whose village he burned to the ground, has developed a fondness for Zuko. He’s only a few steps behind her, and if she knows he's following her, she doesn’t acknowledge it. She stops at the base of the cliff, staring out at the water as the breeze gently blows her hair. 

“This isn’t fair.” He knows he sounds like a little kid who wants something he’s not getting but he can’t help it. “Everyone else seems to trust me now. What is it with you?” 

“Oh everyone trusts you now?” The poison in her voice is something he’s become all too familiar with. He can’t remember the last time she talked to him in a normal, civil voice. “I was the first person to trust you remember? Back in Ba Sing Se. And you turned around and betrayed me!” Zuko feels his stomach drop in the way it always does when he remembers Ba Sing Se. “Betrayed all of us!” He has to fix this. He can’t keep being reminded of the biggest mistake of his life.

“What can I do to make it up to you?” He can’t think of anything, but there has to be something.

“You really wanna know? Hm. Maybe you could reconquer Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth King! Or, I know, you could bring my mother back!” She walks past him and Zuko realizes that whatever problem Katara is having, it's bigger than him. He thinks back to what she said in the catacombs about how when she imagined the face of the enemy, it was his face. Maybe that never stopped. He can’t reconquer Ba Sing Se, and he obviously can’t bring her mother back, but maybe he could do something similar. An idea begins to form, but he has to know what happened that day.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Southern Raiders is next babyyyy!! I actually already have it written I just gotta edit it. I should probably spend more time editing my chapters but I just get bored. Maybe I'll read them in like a few weeks and be like 'oh yikes' and edit them then. Until then, just bear with me. Muchos Gracias to the people reading! Comments are encouraged! Please! I need help! Also, do you guys know how many misogynistic proverbs there are about women? Seriously it's wild.


	6. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6-3-20

**Revenge is a confession of pain. ~ Latin Proverbs**

Zuko goes back to camp to see the fire put out and everyone apparently in their tents. Instead of going to his own, he starts toward Sokka’s tent and runs into Suki on the way, also heading to Sokka’s tent. She gets all weird and awkward in a very un-Suki like way and he knows they were not going to talk.  _ Ew,  _ he thinks before walking through the flap.  _ Oh, Spirits I really should’ve knocked.  _ Sokka is just as embarrassed as Zuko is, if not more so. But he needs to know what happened so he sits and tries to pretend he didn’t just see Sokka holding a rose in his mouth. And then pretends he didn’t just see him swallow the rose in an attempt to hide his date with Suki. 

“So what’s on your mind?”

“It's your sister. She hates me. And I don’t know why. But I do care what she thinks of me.” More than anyone else for some dumb reason that probably has to do with him being a boy. 

“Nah she doesn't hate you.” Maybe this was a bad idea. Because if Sokka hasn’t noticed that Katara hates him, he’s the least perceptive person on the planet. “Katara doesn’t hate anyone. Except for maybe some people in the Fire Nation.” Zuko just sits and waits for him to replay what he just said. Realization dawns on Sokka’s face. “No! I mean, not people who are good and used to be bad. I mean bad people.” Oh yeah, bad idea. “Fire Nation people who are still bad. Who have never been good and probably won’t be-”

“Stop.” Zuko just needs to know one thing. “Okay listen, I know this may seem out of nowhere, but I want you to tell me what happened to your mother.” The atmosphere in the tent quickly changes from awkward to solemn. 

“Why would you want to know that?” Zuko decides he can tell Sokka his theory. 

“Katara mentioned it before when we were imprisoned together in Ba Sing Se, and again just now when she was yelling at me. I think somehow she's connected her anger at that to her anger at me.” The solemness in the tent grows heavier so it's almost tangible. Sokka sighs.

“It's not a day I like to remember.” Zuko almost says never mind and turns to leave when Sokka begins the story. 

It was six years ago. He tells of the snow that slowly turned to ash until it was so heavy it began to blot out the sun. How Katara had run to go find their mom. Sokka and the other warriors tried to fight off the Fire Nation soldiers but there were too many. It started to seem hopeless when all of a sudden they just left. How he was relieved but soon found out that they had lost their mom. Zuko felt the other boy's pain. He was about the same age when his own mother disappeared. 

“Wait. Can you remember any details about the soldiers who raided your village? Like what the lead ship looked like?” 

“Yeah ... sea ravens. The main ship had flags with sea ravens on them.” Zuko was familiar with the symbol.

“The symbol of the Southern Raiders. Thanks, Sokka.”

“No problem!” Sokka basically shoves Zuko out of the tent, urging him to leave. “Thanks for stopping by.” Zuko stands outside for a moment, thinking of what to do next. When Sokka calls out Suki’s name though, he thinks it best to think somewhere else. 

His feet lead him to the flap of Katara’s tent. He almost goes inside but decides against it. He was aware of how lethal she could be and he really didn’t want to give her a reason to kill him. Maybe he should knock. On what exactly? The tent flap? Also probably not the best idea. He could call her name but she might already be asleep. Or pretend to be sleeping in order to avoid him. 

Really he should probably just go to bed. But this wasn’t the type of conversation they could have over breakfast and he didn’t know when he’d get a chance to talk to her one on one again. He’d have to wait and hope that she didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and stab him with an icicle for lurking outside her tent in the darkness. He sat on a rock just a few feet in front of the entrance and waited for morning to come. He found himself lost in thought about what Sokka had told him. 

His own mother had disappeared when he was only ten years old. He had felt so young at the time. Katara’s mom was killed when she was eight, two years younger than Zuko had been. Two years is a big difference when you’re that little. Six years ago was around the same time his mother disappeared as well. How close in time had the two of them lost their mothers? It couldn’t have been more than a few months. The same time, to the same nation. 

Zuko thought about Katara and how she was like a mother to the rest of them. She was nurturing, and patient, and always giving encouragement to those who needed it. She lectured when she felt she had to, and could occasionally be a little bit overbearing. It must’ve been like that since she lost her mom. She didn’t have a mother figure so she became one. 

He admired her and ached for her. It wasn’t an easy burden to bear but she did it with poise and patience. Even if she didn’t act that way towards Zuko. But he didn’t mind really. Of course, he didn’t exactly enjoy the cold, harsh Katara he usually had to deal with, but in a way, it was better than her mothering him. He didn’t want her to see him the way she saw the rest of the group. He wanted to see her as an equal as he saw her. 

But mostly, it was because he suspected he started to gain feelings for her. It was why it was so easy to leave Mai behind, especially at the Boiling Rock. It was why he wanted her to like him so desperately that he was willing to help her find her mother’s killer. He didn’t even know why. He just felt so drawn to her. He still couldn’t get the image of her in Ba Sing Se out of his head when she was touching his face while he took in her appearance. He thought she was beautiful then and he still thought so. But she was more than that. She was powerful and determined and she knew who she was. She was funny in her own way and she seemed to radiate light. But she was also stubborn and occasionally infuriating. 

And she hated him. It did more than just rub him the wrong way, it hurt him, physically hurt him. 

He shook his head trying to clear it. He could not have feelings for her and definitely couldn’t let her know he liked her in that way. This idea to go on this excursion with her was probably a bad idea. By the end of it, his feelings would probably grow into something a little less manageable. It’s not like they were that strong yet. It was just a little crush that resulted from the proximity of being near a girl close to his age. No, by the end of these next few days, he’d stamp the feelings out and just be happy if they could be friends. Honestly, he’d be happy if she could just tolerate him. 

He didn’t sleep that night at all, his thoughts drifting between Katara, her mother, his mother, and a plan to find the Southern Raiders if that’s what she wanted. Soon the sun began to rise, and about an hour later Katara came out of her tent. Zuko looked up.

“You look terrible,” she said. He imagined he did. She walked past him and he stood up.

“I waited here all night,” he admitted, almost reluctantly. It sounded a little pathetic if he was being honest with himself. 

“What do you want?”

“I know who killed your mother, and I’m going to help you find him.” She looked back at him in shock.

“How?” 

“Sokka told me what happened that day. He told me the symbol on the sails and I know the group of raiders that did it. We can find them. I have a plan.” She frowned with a look of concentration. 

“Get some supplies. We’re leaving tonight,” she said before turning and walking back into her tent. He went to his own and grabbed some black clothing, some food and water, and any other necessities they may need. When he came out of his tent, she was waiting for him, a few things bundled in her arms. He held open the bag and she dropped her things inside.

“Come on,” she said. He followed a few steps behind as she walked towards Appa where Aang was feeding him. 

“I need to borrow Appa.” She told him.

“Why? Is it your turn to take a little field trip with Zuko?” Aang joked and Zuko realized that he had done quite a few of one on one trips with people. 

“Yes. It is.” Aang looked surprised at the seriousness of her tone.

“Oh. What’s going on?”

“We’re going to find the man who took my mother from me.”

“Sokka told me the story of what happened,” Zuko explained. “I know who did it, and I know how to find him.” Sokka got up to join them and Aang looked concerned.

“Um, and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?” Zuko couldn't help thinking what a dumb question this was. It could accomplish closure, justice, peace of mind. It could accomplish a lot. Katara scoffed at the question. 

“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” 

“Wait stop,” Aang said. “I do understand.” But he couldn’t understand, not in the way Zuko did. “You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa?” Zuko knew Aang and Appa shared a special bond but it wasn’t the same. This wasn’t a pet, this was her  _ mother _ who she lost when she was just a child. Pain and rage was an understatement. “How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out about my people?” It was closer, but still not the same. Aang wasn’t there when his people disappeared. 

“She needs this Aang. This is about getting closure and justice.” Zuko wasn’t trying to convince Katara either way. But he would be there to support her no matter what she decided. If at any point she decided this wasn’t worth it and she wanted to drop it, he’d drop it as well.

“I don’t think so. I think it’s about getting revenge.” Zuko didn’t really understand how that mattered. Katara could get revenge while serving justice. 

“Fine, maybe it is.” Even though Zuko knew the tone, he had never heard her use it with Aang. “Maybe that’s what I need. Maybe that’s what he deserves.”

“Katara, you sound like Jet.” 

“It’s not the same. Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he’s a monster.” 

“Katara, she was my mother too. But I think Aang might be right.” Sokka said. Zuko couldn’t believe him. He didn’t want justice for the man that took his mother from him? He didn’t want to know that he had suffered some type of consequence?

“Then you didn’t love her the way I did.” 

“Katara,” Sokka sounded hurt but Zuko knew in a way it was true. Because in a way, he never lost a mother. He just got a new one. Katara was the one who had to step into that role and even though Zuko had heard all the times they talked about how Sokka had to take care of his sister, it had always been Katara that took care of the both of them. 

“The monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper. While you watch your enemy go down, you're being poisoned yourself.” The proverb seemed silly for such a serious situation. 

“That’s cute, but this isn’t Air Temple Preschool. It's the real world.”

“Now that I know he's out there ... now that I know we can find him, I feel like I have no choice.”

“Katara, you do have a choice: forgiveness,” Aang argued. 

“That's the same as doing nothing!” He had to defend her. They had to let her face this. 

“No, it's not. It's easy to do nothing, but it's hard to forgive.”

“It’s not just hard. It’s impossible.” She began to walk away and Zuko followed her. 

“Katara,” he called out. She turned around a seething look still on her face. “Do you still want to do this?”

“Oh so now you’re going to try and convince me to forgive him too? This was your idea in the first place. You should understand better than anyone. I  _ have _ to do this.”

“There’s no need to blow up on me,” he tells her gently. “I’ve got your back. I was making sure Mr.Goody over there didn’t change your mind. We'll leave tonight. Wear all black. It'll help us hide in the dark and I’m the shadows. We'll take Appa after everyone else is asleep.” Her expression softens so slightly it’s almost not noticeable. She gives a curt nod. 

“I’ll come to get you when I’m ready.” Zuko is left standing there, with a bag already ready for their “little field trip.” 

Katara turned in early that night, earning a suspicious look from Aang. Zuko should've too, but he stayed up until the rest of the group also decided to head to bed so as not to make Aang and Sokka any more suspicious than they already were. He went to his tent and dressed in the dark clothing he had packed earlier that day before rolling into bed. He had a hard time falling asleep, replaying his plan in his head over and over again. He hadn’t told Katara what he was thinking yet. They had to keep everything quiet while they were around the others and silently agreed it was safest to talk it out when they were in the air. Eventually, Zuko fell asleep but was woken up what felt like only a few minutes later. 

“Zuko, get up.” He opened his eyes and sat up to see a dark figure standing at the open flap of his tent. Bright moonlight lit up the inside. “Ready?” She asked. He nodded and grabbed their sack of supplies before getting out of bed and sneaking toward Appa. He almost felt bad stealing the bison but they’d only be a few days at the most. Katara tied her hair back while Zuko double checked to make sure they had everything they needed when Aang and Sokka appeared from behind a boulder a few feet away. 

“So you were just going to take Appa anyways?” Aang questioned, his voice hard. 

“Yes,” Katara responded, her voice equally as hard. 

“It’s okay, because I forgive you. Does that give you any ideas?” Zuko almost laughed at the airbender's lame attempt to be an example. Katara continued to stand her ground.

“Don’t try to stop us.”

“I wasn't planning to. This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man. But when you do, please don't choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.” The kid just really won’t let this go. 

“Okay, we'll be sure to do that, guru goody-goody.” Zuko scoffs before joining Katara on top of Aapa. 

“Thanks for understanding Aang.” She has nearly as much sarcasm in her voice as Zuko did before signaling Appa to ascend. Once they reach their desired altitude Katara asks what the plan is. 

“We need to find the Fire Navy communication tower. All the navy's movements are coordinated by messenger hawk. And every tower has to be up to date on where everyone is deployed.”

“So once we find the communication tower, we bust in and take the information we need.”

“Not exactly. We need to be stealthy and make sure no one spots us, otherwise, they'll warn the Southern Raiders long before we reach them.”

“How long until we’re there?”

“We’ll need to head northeast and we should be there within a couple of hours.”

“Good.” She says and they continue to ride in silence. The moon is full, which he knows gives Katara strength. A fight wouldn’t be ideal but he knows they’d be on the better end of one. Soon, the tower comes into view.

“There it is,” he says in a low voice. “Land Appa on that little patch of land behind that rock. And remember, we can’t be seen.” she nods to show that she heard him and they begin their descent. As soon as they land, they both jump off and take off running. They’ll have to get across the water but Zuko thinks that’ll be the least of their problems. He’s right. Katara doesn’t slow her step as they approach the waves and forms a patch of thick ice. She jumps on and Zuko follows her lead as she pushes off from the land, perfectly maneuvering their ice raft to the tower and lifting them with a wave. 

They move through the building, making their way to the main communication room. They stop when they see guards and run when the way is clear. Their footsteps are silent and in time. They move as if they’re one mind. Like two people with a shared purpose should. When they get to the door of the communications room, Zuko gets on his knees and Katara stands on his shoulders without a word. He lifts her so she can remove the grate to the air vents and then pushes her through before jumping up himself. There’s a woman writing in the room and Katara bends ink all over her hands so she leaves. They land neatly beside one another and Zuko looks through the messenger scrolls until he finds the Southern Raiders and their positions. They’re out as quickly as they came. 

When Zuko was in the civilization of the Sun Warriors, they were noisy and unplanning, constantly making mistakes. When he was with Sokka, they planned and hit some bumps. But with Katara, they are silent; cooperating without words. Knowing each other’s next move as if it were their own. They are like two halves of one whole. 

When they’re in the air again, Zuko falls asleep with the contentment of finding a perfect partner in crime. He rises with the sun to see Katara still sitting determinedly on Appa’s head. What she’ll face next won’t be easy. 

“You should get some rest. We’ll be there in a few hours. You’ll need all your strength.” 

“Oh, don't you worry about my strength. I have plenty. I'm not the helpless little girl I was when they came.”

“Katara, what happened when you went to go find your mom?” She takes a deep breath and turns her head to look at the clouds below and Zuko sees a look of pain on her face. He thinks of how he almost asked Sokka not to tell him and although he didn’t regret hearing the story, he doesn’t need to force anyone to relive that day again.

“Never mind, forget I asked.”

“No. It’s fine. You should know since you’re here.” She takes another deep breath. “I’d never seen black snow before. I didn’t know what it meant but I knew it wasn’t good. It was unusual and the sight of it felt foreboding. I knew Sokka would go and try and fight with the other warriors so I went to go find my mom. Our tent was on the other side of the village and I ran the whole way. I was scared, but what I found terrified me. There was a man in our tent. She told him to leave me alone and she’d give him the information he wanted. I remember everything even though I was so young. I remember how she told me she would handle it but I didn’t feel any less afraid. I remember his eyes. The way they glared at me like I was nothing. Like  _ we  _ were nothing. I ran as fast as I could. But we were too late. When we got there, the man was gone. And so was she.” 

Zuko thought of what Sokka said. How it was his mother too. Katara’s story just reinforced the fact that their loss wasn’t the same. Sokka didn't have a final memory of his mother. When he thought of Kya, it wasn’t accompanied by a firebender standing in their home. A firebender, Zuko knew, was looking for the last waterbender. He didn’t tell her though. She didn’t need to carry that burden yet. And he had a feeling she’d find out soon enough.

“Your mother was a very brave woman.” It's all he can think to say. She reaches her hand to her necklace.

“I know.” She stood up and sat in the saddle. “You’re right. I’ll need to get some sleep before we get there.” He nodded and took the reins. When he looked back, she was curled in a ball, tears drying on her cheeks. Zuko saw a few ships on the way but they didn’t wave the Sea Raven flag. And then, there it was. 

“There!” he cried out. He looked back and saw her already up. He tossed back the telescope. “See those Sea Raven flags? It's the Southern Raiders.”

“Let’s do this.” She joined him on Appa’s head and he led the bison into a dive into the water. Katara created a bubble around them until they saw the hull of the ship. She held out her hand and they stopped. She closed her eyes in concentration. Her arms moved like water and then snapped out and back into her body again. He heard a splash behind them and saw a man floating in the water. He didn’t know how she could grab her targets without seeing them. They swam beneath the hull of the ship before emerging on the other side. Katara sent tidal waves, rocking the ship and sending its crew overboard. When one remained, she shot a cannon of water at him launching him into the ocean. They are one mind again, running through the ship as he watches her back. Finally, they reach the door to the bridge of the ship.

“This is it Katara. Are you ready to face him?” She doesn’t respond and instead blasts the door off its hinges. Zuko jumps in front of her blocking the fireballs sent their way and knocks the captain off balance.

“Who are you?” The man demands. Katara’s rage is now shared with Zuko.

“You mean you don’t remember her? You will soon, trust me.” The man raises his hand to fire again but his arm is bent backward. Zuko looks at him, confused as the commander is, before looking at Katara to see her bending. There’s not a droplet of water on the man, but she seems to be commanding his every move. Zuko’s eyes widen as he realizes what she’s doing. Her bending is not the usual flow but is instead made of harsh, subtle movements. 

His mother used to tell stories of ancient waterbending warriors who learned to bend a human being like a puppet. They discovered water in the blood and targeted that. Soon, their descendants had decided that it wasn’t their right to control another person, and put an end to the practice. Zuko assumed they were just stories, but here was this girl before him, moving the blood of the man who killed her mother. 

Zuko thought for a second he should be afraid or even tell her to stop, but instead, he was just impressed. This kind of raw power was unheard of today, completely unique. He didn’t stop to observe though, just turned to the man now pressed against the floor. He ordered him to think back to the last raid on the Southern Water Tribe. He  _ would  _ remember her. But he seemed clueless. Zuko’s rage flared again. 

“Don't lie! You look her in the eye and tell me you don’t remember what you did.” Katara forces the man into a kneeling position and they lock eyes, hers fierce, and his fearful. 

“It's not him.” She said in shock and disbelief before dropping her puppet. “He’s not the man?” Zuko couldn't believe it either. They couldn't have come all this way for nothing. 

“What? What do you mean he's not? He's the leader of the Southern Raiders! He has to be the guy!” Katara walks away, defeated, but Zuko will not give up. They’ll find the man. He pushes the commander against the window, pressing his head to it, and holding his arm behind his back. “If you’re not the man we’re looking for, who is?” The commander, shaking with fear, tells them about a man named Yon Rha who retired. 

“Where is he?” Zuko growls. He tells them where he lives now before Zuko drops him and follows Katara out the door and off the ship. The place they’re looking for is only a few hours away if that. They could be there in an hour if they hurried. There really wasn't any rush to get there, but they urged Appa to fly faster anyways. They landed in a grassy clearing surrounded by trees where Appa collapsed from exhaustion with a groan and began munching on the tall grass. The pair walked away to the edge of a cliff. There was an elderly man walking along the path. 

“There he is,” Zuko whispered. “Let’s go.” He made a move to go but Katara put an arm out to stop him. 

“Wait. I need to make sure. No more mistakes.” He shrank back and together they followed the man into the market. He looked back at them before they ducked behind the walls of a building across the street. They followed him back to the path, hiding behind ledges and trees. When he looked at them again, they hid in a way that they could see him, but he couldn’t see them. Katara saw his eyes.

“That’s him. That’s the monster.” They didn’t strike instantly and instead went further along the path to set a tripwire and wait. It began to rain and Katara seemed to absorb the water from the sky. When they saw Yon Rha again, he seemed to sense them but not accurately. He set a bush on fire, in the opposite way of where Katara and Zuko were standing, dropping his produce. He leaned down to pick it up. When he stood, he didn’t make it a single step before falling face-first into the mud. Zuko struck first, firing near the man's head, forcing him to sit upright. 

“We weren’t behind the bush.” Zuko stood in an attack stance. “And I wouldn’t try firebending again.” 

“Whoever you are, take my money. Take whatever you want. I'll cooperate.”  _ Coward.  _ Katara steps in front of Zuko, revealing her face.

“Do you know who I am?”

“No, I’m not sure.”

“Oh, you better remember me like your life depends on it! Why don't you take a closer look?” Yon Rha looks closely, focusing on each of her features. 

“Yes, yes, I remember you now. You're that little Water Tribe girl.”

“Tell me what happened to my mother.” Her tone is almost as furious as her gaze. Yon Rha gulps.

“We-we were there to find the last waterbender. A source had told me there was one left in the Southern Water Tribe. We figured the chief would be the best person to interrogate but instead, we just found his wife. After you left, she told us there were no more waterbenders left but we planned to tear the village apart until we found them. She was willing to give the information if I agreed to spare the rest of the village. She admitted to being the waterbender and expected us to take her prisoner. But I was ordered by an Admiral not to take prisoners from that tribe anymore. I-I-” The sentence drifted off as he couldn’t finish it, obviously afraid of what Katara might do if he did. 

“She lied to you! She was protecting the last waterbender.” Yon Rha was shocked at the information.

“What? Who?”

“Me!” The ferocity of that single word sends chills down Zuko’s spine and he almost pities the man who had angered her. Almost. She stills the rain falling near them. A dome of water grows around them and Zuko for the second time today is in complete awe of her power. She turns the water into dozens of sharp icicles and they zoom toward Yon Rha before stopping inches from his face. She turns them back into water and the rain is falling around them again. She couldn’t have picked a more accurate way to describe him: pathetic, sad, and empty. But she can’t kill him. She turns to leave, and Zuko sends one last look at this shell of a man, considering killing him himself. But if Katara wanted him dead, he would be, so he follows her. 

* * *

Appa is asleep in the meadow and the rain has stopped. 

“We can’t leave today. We'll have to camp out for the night,” Zuko tells her. She nods once before going to grab their sleeping bags. He puts a hand on her shoulder. “Go ahead and take a rest. I can set up camp.” She hesitates but realizes it's not a question and slumps against a tree nearby. Zuko starts with a fire, able to find some dry wood underneath the thick branches. He rolls some logs near the fire so they can eat around it. He rolls out sleeping bags and sets some of the apples they brought for Appa in front of him. He finds a river nearby and is able to catch a fish just as the sun slides behind the horizon. They cook and eat without speaking which isn’t unusual, but the silence is heavy. After dinner, Katara stares into the fire.

“Are you okay?” He asks. Its a stupid question and he doesn’t expect her to respond. But she does.

“My mother sacrificed herself for me,” she says quietly. “He was looking for me and she told him to take her instead. I can’t help but feel like it's my fault.” 

“I understand. My mother sacrificed herself for me as well.” She looked at him curiously. “My grandfather ordered to have me killed to teach my father a lesson. When she found out, she did things that ended with my grandfather’s death, and her banishment. I don’t know what happened, but she was gone. I thought she was dead until a few weeks ago.” 

“Zuko...I’m so sorry. That’s horrible.”

“I’m sorry too. About your mother. I wish I could give you the same hope I have about her still being alive.”

“Do you know where she is?” Zuko shakes his head. 

“I don’t even know where to look. And I can’t find her now with the war going on.”

“When this is all over, we can find her. I’ll help you find her.” Her words warm him, but he doesn’t know if they’re friends yet or not. “I’m sorry about dragging you into this.”

“What? Don’t apologize. I volunteered myself.” But she still has a pained look in her face. 

“Zuko, about what happened on the ship. With the commander. I guess I’m sorry you came because I’m sorry you had to see that.” She was embarrassed about her bloodbending. “I don’t know what came over me. I was just so angry. It’s something I’ve been trying to contain for months now but I couldn’t control myself at that moment. I can’t imagine what you think of me.” He can’t believe she cares about what he thinks of her. And he can’t believe she’d ever think of her as anything less than incredible.

“Katara I don’t think any less of you.” She looks at him with her huge eyes, sadness and shock flickering in them. “I think what you did on that boat was what you thought was necessary and I don’t think of it as evil or bad.”

“But it is evil, having the power to control another person isn’t natural. I’m supposed to be good and...that, that isn’t good.”

“The world isn’t split into good and bad people. We all have a bit of good and evil inside of us and they’re constantly battling over which has control. But in the end, we have the final say. We get to decide which side will win out in the end.” She studies his face curiously and Zuko wants to break their gaze but he holds it as she searches his face for sincerity. Eventually, she’s the one to look away first, turning her face back to the flames. They say nothing for the rest of the night as they each get into bed on either side of the still-burning fire and fall asleep.

When Zuko wakes the next morning, Katara is already up and almost done packing up camp. It’s unusual to see her awake before him and his first thought is that they are in danger. He quickly gets up.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she tells him soothingly. “I’m just ready to get out of here.” He realized that this place, although they had only been there a day, already held too much for her. He nodded in understanding and helped gather the rest of their supplies. They hopped on top of Appa, and he waited for her to take the reins. She seemed to read his thoughts.

“Actually, would you mind steering Appa?” He didn’t question her.

“Yeah, no problem.” He stepped over the front of the saddle and sat on Appa’s head. “Yip yip.” and they were in the air again, soaring away from another painful memory. 

Zuko listened to the breeze gently brushing past them as Katara sat quietly in the saddle. Every once in awhile he’d turn around to see if she had fallen asleep but she stayed in the same position for hours. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and leaned in the back in the corner, intrigued by the clouds drifting by. He wished she would talk to him; he was really bored. But he knew she needed some time to process everything that had happened in the last 48 hours and he could accept that. 

In the late afternoon, she stepped out of the saddle and sat next to Zuko. He hesitantly tried to give her the reins but she shook her head. 

“I’m just sick of being alone with my thoughts.” It was odd to Zuko that she chose him for company, even if he was the only one in the air with her. He scooted over to offer her more room and she accepted it. “Tell me a story, Zuko. I need a distraction.”

“Oh ok um,” He didn’t know many stories. He hadn’t heard any since long before his mother left when he told her he was too old for them. But he knew a few simple ones. “Long ago, before the world-”

“No Zuko, tell me a story about you.” He frowned in concentration. A story about him? He wasn’t sure he could tell one without brushing on a sensitive subject. He thought of the times he and Azula fought, how life was before his mother left, how life was after, the time he spent sailing the ocean. But they were all either too emotional or just empty. It was a couple of minutes before he settled on one.

“It's not one I remember, but it is one I was told. When I was very young, my mother and I had a place in the palace courtyards she would take me when I was upset. Which I’m sure you can imagine was pretty often. It was the edge of a pond and it was surrounded by cherry blossoms. I used to think that water turned pink in the spring because the surface reflected the blossoms. We used to sit and feed the turtleducks that had lived there. She told me they had been there almost as long as the Fire Nation had had a Firelord. 

“When Azula was born, I was jealous of her. I was used to having all of my mother’s attention and this whiny bundle was taking it from me. One night, a few weeks after she was born, I was angry at my mother for spending more time with Azula, so I ran to our spot by the pond. I had expected the turtleducks to be there because they always were when visited them in the day but they didn’t swim during the night. So I went looking for them. I found them asleep a little ways from the shore. 

“My mother had started looking for me but she already knew where I was. When she found me, there was a small fire between me and the turtleducks. At first, she was scared that I had tried to set them on fire out of anger. But she saw me keeping the fire contained so it didn’t spread too close. When she got to me she asked what I was doing, and I told her that I thought they were cold so I was keeping them warm. It was the first time I firebended.” Katara gave him that curious look. “What?”

“Nothing I’m just thinking about the first time I waterbended.”

“Did Sokka end up drenched?” Katara laughed for the first time at one of Zuko’s jokes. 

“No, but close. There were some older boys picking on one of my friends for her pigtails or something dumb like that. I didn’t even know what I was doing, but before I knew it, I had lifted my arms and when I brought them back down, the boys were half-buried in a snowdrift. My mom tried to act disappointed but she was proud I was a waterbender. When gran-gran heard she must’ve laughed for half an hour.” Katara smiles at the memory and Zuko feels like he can see it, too. It was just like her to use her bending to defend someone else. But her smile fades and she drops her head.

“Zuko, don’t tell the others about…” He knows what she’s trying to say. She doesn’t want them to know about the bloodbending. 

“I won’t. It’s not my place to tell.” She gives a grateful smile and then looks back ahead. She points ahead to a strip of land just a little ways away.

“Can we land by that dock?” They’re still a good fifteen minutes away from camp but he doesn’t protest and guides the bison into a descent. When his feet touch the ground, Katara looks at Zuko. 

“Thank you,” she says. He knows she’s thanking him for more than just landing. “I need a little bit of time to myself. To think. Would you get Aang and Sokka and bring them back here? Please?” He doesn’t point out that she’s been thinking all day and instead does what she says.

When he lands at camp, Sokka and Aang are alarmed that Katara isn’t with them.

“Where’s Ka-” Aang starts. Zuko cuts him off before he can get too worked up.

“She’s fine. She's just a few minutes away from here.”

“What happened? Did you find the man that killed our mother?” Sokka asks. 

“Yes.” He won’t tell them anything they won’t ask.

“Did she...you know?” Sooka crudely drags a finger across his throat. 

“No,” Zuko answers simply. Sokka and Aang look at each other and the younger boy lets a smile spread across his face. “Come on, let’s go get her.”

She’s sitting on the edge of the dock, watching her toes dip in and out of the water. She looks tired. As soon as they hit the ground, Aang is running towards her.

“Katara are you okay?” She hesitates before giving Aang the answer he wants to hear.

“I’m doing fine.”

“Zuko told me what you did. Or what you didn't do, I guess. I'm proud of you.”

“I wanted to do it. I wanted to take out all my anger at him, but I couldn't. I don't know if it's because I'm too weak to do it or because I'm strong enough not to.” Zuko’s about to protest and tell her she’s not weak but Aang speaks before he can.

“You did the right thing. Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing.” She gets up and faces Aang, frowning at him. 

“But I didn't forgive him. I'll never forgive him.” She looks at Zuko and her face softens as she smiles at him in a way that makes his heart melt. “But I am ready to forgive you.” Zuko had been waiting for those words for so long and he doesn’t know what to do when she stands just a few feet from him. Suddenly she’s launched herself at him and throws her arms around his neck. He instinctively returns the hug and resists the urge to bury his face in her hair. The embrace is short-lived but means the world to Zuko as he watches her walk away. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is way longer than I usually make them but I just couldn't stop adding to it! Per usual, thank you, thank you, thank you for reading. I get really excited when I see another person has left Kudos. Also, I think my updates are gonna start slowing down here bc I have like two more chapters left of plot that I have thought out soooo this'll be an adventure for all of us!


	7. Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6/6/20

**Desire makes everything blossom; possession makes everything wither and fade. ~Marcel Proust**   


Zuko and Katara’s escapade to find her mother’s killer had created more than just forgiveness between the two. They began to share a deeper bond that neither of them could truly understand or even begin to comprehend. The pair had unknowingly shared a number of intimate moments in those two days while sharing secrets and lurking in the shadows. Where before, Katara could barely stand to be around Zuko, it now felt as if they were magnets, always moving when the other did and unconsciously being in close proximity together. 

They would occasionally go on walks together, continuing to swap stories of their childhood or of their adventures around the world. It became easy to talk to Katara and easier to be with her in silence. Sometimes they would walk without speaking, occasionally brushing hands with each other but never acknowledging it.

They began training with one another, usually when Aang was training with Toph. Their skills were matched and they learned a lot from one another. Their sparring allowed them to build each other up becoming more masterful in their elements.

They typically did chores by one another’s side and even unknowingly always sat next to each other at mealtimes. That’s why it felt so natural to take the empty seat next to her in the theater. He didn’t even notice until Aang pointed it out.

“Hey uh...I wanted to sit there.” Zuko was already in his seat and wasn’t about to move because this kid thought he could call dibs on seats. 

“Just sit next to me, what's the big deal?”

“I was just, I wanted to…” he falters while Zuko waits for an explanation. “Never mind.” he sits next to Zuko. 

_ Monks, too passive.  _ Zuko thinks. It occurs to him that Aang probably wanted to sit next to Katara. He’d obviously noticed that the kid probably had a crush on Katara just by the way he acts around her and looks at her. Zuko feels a bit of pride that he got this seat. Just because he promised himself he wouldn’t have feelings for her doesn’t mean he was just gonna let Aang try to swoon her. He also thought about how weird it would be to be awake and not by Katara’s side, even for just a few hours. He realized that they really had been spending a lot of time together without either of them really noticing. Or at least he didn’t. Did she? Did the others?

The curtain on stage rises, interrupting his thoughts as he focuses on the crude caricatures of Sokka and Katara. It's clear from the first line that this Katara is melodramatic and going to be useless where Sokka will have no substance and only be used as comic relief. At first, Zuko rolls his eyes because this is exactly what he’d been expecting. But after Katara’s first of many tear-filled monologues, Zuko has to keep his lips pressed firmly together to keep from laughing at both the ridiculousness of the character and the incredulous expression on the face of the Katara next to him. He’s nearly holding back tears when Aang’s character is played by an actress rather than an actor. Of course, they usually have women play kids whether they’re boys or girls but the way Aang reacts makes it seem criminal. There’s something about knowing who these characters are based off that makes it hysterical. That is until Zuko appears on stage. 

“They make me look stiff and totally humorless.” he objects. 

“Actually, I think that actor’s pretty spot on.” Katara teases.

“How could you say that?”

“How could you say that?” the actor on stage echoes. Zuko crosses his arms begrudgingly and sees Katara smirking at him.

“Don’t you have something to go hope for, tearbender?” He asks bitterly. She scoffs and rolls her eyes, mumbling something that sounds like “can never be the butt of a joke.” He continues to focus on the play exchanging an uncomfortable look with Aang as the Blue Spirit rescues the actress from Actor Zuko. Apparently someone hadn’t checked their facts on that one. 

It's interesting to see the group's adventures from this point of view. Obviously they’re wildly simplified and have a lot of humor added but it still seems pretty accurate. Even if the characters are infuriating. The curtain drops as the first act ends. 

“So far this intermission is the best part of the play.” Everyone voices their complaints about their portrayals on stage, and all too soon, the play starts again. If the first act was bad, this one will be horrendous. Not because the characters could get any worse, but because Zuko already knows the plot, and he doesn't like the choices he knows his character will make. Toph ends up being played by a huge buff dude who yells a lot and Zuko is impressed at how accurate that is. There’s a quip about Zuko’s hair, which was admittedly, ridiculously long at one point. 

“Did Jet just die?” He asked no one in particular. 

“You know it was really unclear,” Sokka responds. Zuko can’t tell if he meant in this play or in reality. Finally, the dreaded crystal catacombs are the setting of the stage. Actor Zuko and Actress Katara are alone and it dawns upon Zuko that no one could have informed them of what they were talking about in that cave and wonders which direction the writer took this in. 

“I have to admit Prince Zuko, I find you  _ really _ attractive.” Well, this was definitely unexpected. 

“You don’t have to make fun of me.” 

“But I mean it! I’ve had eyes for you since the day you first captured me.” the actress says in a sultry voice. Zuko shoots a sideways glance at Katara to see how she’s reacting only to see that she looks just as uncomfortable as he feels. They seem to get the same thought and subtly scoot away from each other.

“Wait! I thought you were the Avatar’s girl.”

“The Avatar? Why he’s like a little brother to me!” She laughs in a high pitched, girly way that the real Katara never would. The girl next to him even cringes at the sound. The actress stands up and walks towards Actor Zuko.  _ Oh Spirits, please don’t let them kiss.  _ He doesn’t know if he could ever look Katara in the eye again if they did. “Besides, how could he ever find out about...this?” Zuko holds his breath, waiting for what seems to be inevitable. But the characters just hold hands and lean against each other. He lets out his breath and before he can think of what he’s doing, He leans into Katara and whispers, 

“I’m glad we didn’t kiss or you would’ve started tearbending.” She seems to take the comment the wrong way. She looks both questioning and upset.

“Why, because I would've had some much  _ hope  _ in you?” she growls. Zuko hurries to finish the joke so she doesn’t end up mad at him for the rest of the night. 

“No, I’m just that bad of a kisser.” Her scowl melts away and instead, she gives a soft smile and snorts and rolls her eyes at him. The quick joke almost made the scene of him betraying his uncle bearable. Almost. 

Katara looks at him after the actor throws a series of insults at the actor playing uncle Iroh and whispers, “You didn’t really say that, did you?”

“I might as well have.” The pain of his betrayal still feels fresh in his mind and it shows. Katara reaches a hand into his lap where his own hands are placed and grabs one. She scoots a little closer until their thighs are pressed together and lays her head on his shoulder. But only a moment later she pulls her hand away and lifts her head. The affection was quick, gentle, and reassuring, and Zuko can’t help but wish the moment had lasted a little longer. They watch the Ty Lee and Mai characters take down guards and he couldn't help but shift uncomfortably, even if the Mai on stage wasn’t  _ his  _ Mai, it was still a reminder and he wondered where she was now. In a prison somewhere most likely. The thought of Mai in prison because of him makes him feel even worse. The Avatar is shot and the second act ends. Zuko stays seated as Sakka and Suki argue.

“Does anyone know where Aang is?” Zuko looks to his left and realizes the Avatar is no longer with them. He didn’t even realize he had gotten up and left or when. 

“He left to get me fire gummies, like, ten minutes ago. And I’m still waiting!” Oh boy. 10 minutes ago was when the Katara and Zuko characters were getting cozy. And still, no one but those two knew what happened inside that cave. Katara had admitted to Zuko that she hadn’t told Aang and Sokka much, only that she had trusted him. And Toph didn’t care enough to ask. Katara doesn’t seem to register that Aang left when her character was having a romantic moment with someone other than him 

“I’m gonna check outside,” she says. Zuko finally gets up after she’s left the auditorium and stretches. The group decides to take a walk and stretch their legs but end up just plopping down right outside the exit. Sokka convinces Suki to sneak him backstage just so he can give his actor some dumb jokes and Zuko is left with Toph, reflecting on the last act. 

“Geez, everyone's getting so upset about their characters. Even you seem more down than usual, and that's saying something!”

“You don't get it, it's different for you. You get a muscly version of yourself, taking down ten bad guys at once, and making sassy remarks.” He doesn’t mention that somehow this portrayal is the most accurate in case it boosts her ego just a little too much.

“Yeah, that's pretty great!’ she still doesn’t seem to see the problem. 

“But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself” It was something he hadn’t admitted to anyone, even Katara, and barely himself. It seemed to be out of fear of...he doesn’t know what. He supposed people’s reactions. They would probably just take pity on him or worse: agree with him which would just confirm the permanent consequences of his actions. But for some reason, he trusts Toph to not do either of those things. Honestly, he’s barely even expecting her to respond.

“You have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.” She says it with such confidence it mystifies him. 

“How do you know?”

“Because I once had a long conversation with the guy, and all he would talk about was you.” He had never heard of such a conversation taking place. He didn’t know that Uncle and Toph even knew each other. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, and it was kind of annoying” 

“Oh. Sorry” He says awkwardly, not knowing how else to respond.

“But it was also very sweet. All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path, and see the light. Now you're here with us. He'd be proud.” He mulls over the young girl’s words. He hadn’t really expected any kind of reassurance from her but what she said really comforted him. And he knew she was truthful. Then she punched him. Hard.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“That’s how I show affection.” She grins.  _ These kids just get weirder and weirder.  _ He starts to wonder where Katara was as Toph continues to rave over her character again. It seems like she’d been gone a while and he wonders if she even found Aang. What were they talking about? Wait. Why did he even care?

“Zuko!” he snaps out of his thoughts. 

“What?” he asks in a clipped tone that usually just came with single-syllable words.

“Well hey buddy welcome back to earth. I hope your trip through the clouds was worthwhile. Anyways, I was just saying I’m gonna go get some snacks. You want anything?”

He shakes his head and remembers that she can’t see him.

“Um no thank you.”

“Don’t worry there Sparky, I could see you shaking your head too.” She laughs before walking off. He’s only alone for a few minutes before he sees Katara running his way. He looks for a sign of danger but realizes she wasn’t running in a way that indicated something chasing her, she just looked uncomfortable. 

“Hey.”

“Hi.” She says loftily. She seems to be a little bit lost in thought, acknowledging him but not really processing that he’s there. He stands up to make himself a little more apparent. He was right about her being lost in thought. She’s staring at a spot on the carpet with her eyebrows in a slight frown, and her lips pursed. Her arms are wrapped around herself, her fingers gently grasping onto her elbows and her cheeks have a bit of flush to them. He had spent enough time with her and had developed an ability to interpret her nonverbals. 

The type of frown she has is only made when something is upsetting her just enough for her to get worked up but not voice anything about it. Her pursed lips mean she’s thinking really deeply about something, so much so it can be hard to get her out of her own head. He wants to ask what she was thinking about so intensely but knows that her arms across her torso like that mean she doesn’t really want to talk about it. And the flush could be from running. Or she was embarrassed about something. Maybe both.

He kicks one of her feet gently but she doesn’t look up from the spot she was trying to stare a hole through. He looks around to make sure no one else is near them and then creates a tiny fireball cupped in one of his hands. He placed his other hand on top so light filled the cave he’d made between his palms. He takes a few steps ending up side to side with Katara and bumps her shoulder with his. She stumbles and sends a playful glare his way. He nods towards his hands held out in front of him. She steps close and they both lean over his hands which he has cupped in a way that could hold water. But in them is just a small flame. He takes a deep breath. It’s hard to have such control over fire but he silently urges it to zoom in a circle just hovering over his palms. He gets it to go so fast so it looked like a small ring of fire just large enough for perhaps a meadow vole to jump through. He slows it down and cups it in just one hand. With his other, he gently grabs her wrist and lifts it up so her hand is in the same position as his own. He concentrates harder to make sure the flame is just warm enough to stay alight but not so hot that it would burn. He tickles the flame over her skin, never lingering long enough for her to feel more than a little warmth. He holds his hand up in front of her face, casting small shadows across her features and causing her skin to have a honey-like glow. She glances up at him and blows out the flame with a giggle. 

Now he has her attention. 

“Did you find Aang?” Her softened expressions harden a little and her slight frown returns.

“Yeah, I did.” She doesn’t sound particularly thrilled.

“Is he okay?”

“I don’t know. He’s just acting like a child.” 

“Hm. I see.” Her frown deepens. “Well, are you okay?” She looks back up at him and seemed to really consider the question. It seems like she was usually the one asking that rather than being asked it. 

“I’ll be fine.” He raises an eyebrow at her and she raises her chin, each of them daring the other to say more. Zuko is the one to cave.

“Well do you want to talk about it?” She considered his question again.

“No. No, I don’t” They’re silent for a moment. Zuko isn’t going to say anything more about it but he also doesn't want her to spend the rest of the night distant from them because she’s too consumed by her own thoughts.

“Well do you want to see the rest of this horrendous play?” She lets out a laugh. 

“No. No, I don’t” she jokes. 

“Come on, it won’t be too bad. Besides, I hear Prince Zuko cuts his hair making him even more attractive.” She laughs at his own quip but Zuko can see the blush creeping into her cheeks. 

Throughout the rest of the play, he can’t help but think about when she grabbed his hand in the last act and how badly he wanted to hold hers now. He notices her hands are tucked neatly between her legs and he doesn't trust himself to grab them without getting slapped by a water whip and smacked by Sokka’s boomerang. They continue to make more jokes though and Zuko is actually very intrigued by the idea of the Painted Lady despite the Katara on stage wailing through a monologue about hope. 

“Did you really disguise yourself as a Spirit just to help a village you barely knew?” She nods meekly as if it was no big deal and Zuko nods in approval. He can’t help but feel another level of understanding form with her.

Aang shows up right as the invasion is about to start, only to listen to another line about his and Katara’s sibling relationship, Zuko can’t help but notice. Actor Zuko joins the group, rather anticlimactically, and the audience can feel the play begin to teeter on the edge of a finale. The play is predicting the future of what will happen between Aang and Ozai. But even more so, what will happen between Zuko and Azula. The actors stage fight with ribbons of blue and orange and choreographed jumps and rolls. Before long, the Azula on stage delivers a “fatal blow” to Actor Zuko. The man on stage cries out only one word.

“Honor!” The Zuko in the audience is so shocked all he can think is  _ What pathetic last words. _ It only takes a moment before he’s wondering if that’s what his demise will really be like. Will he have to face his sister and kill her before she kills him? Will he be ready? Will he be able? 

Katara notices the distress creeping over his face and lays a hand on his thigh. He puts his hand over it before she can remove it. Instead of removing her hand though, she turns her wrist so her palm is up and holds his hand. Zuko glances at Aang to see if the younger boy noticed but the battle on stage between Aang and Ozai has started and he doesn't seem able to look away. 

Zuko can’t even blame him as he had been captivated by watching what the Fire Nation wants and hopes to be the future. The friends all know what is probably going to happen at the end of this play but that doesn’t stop them from hoping it’ll conclude in their favor. And it doesn’t stop them from feeling an uncomfortable foreboding as the actress is surrounded by sheets of red and orange and falls to the ground. 

Katara is squeezing Zuko’s hand as they all try to compose themselves into accepting what they just saw and attempting to remember that the end was just made up. But it brings another uncomfortable thought into Zuko’s mind: no one knows how this is all going to end. Katara lets go of Zuko’s hand and they shuffle out of the theater together. They walk along the beach in silence, each of them trying to process what they saw. Zuko can only really come to one definite conclusion.

“That… wasn’t a good play” The rest of the group mutters their agreements before they get back to the royal vacation house. 

That night, after tossing and turning and realizing he wasn’t going to sleep, he felt as if some time at the beach would do him some good. When he was here with his sister, Mai, and Ty Lee, he’d sometimes sit in the sand and just listen to the waves. Their rhythms steadied his thinking and somehow made him feel more grounded. It's what he needed right now between watching his own death played out on a stage, and trying to repress his feelings for Katara. 

He’s watching the ground to make sure he doesn’t trip over any stairs or any roots. He should know the way better considering how much time he spent here as a child, but he’s forgotten. It makes him feel guilty. When his toes touch the sand, and he emerges from the trees, he finally looks up. There’s someone already there. He takes a step closer to see who it is and can clearly see it’s Katara’s petite silhouette framed against the moonlight bouncing off the water. She turns around and he knows she can see him. The moon is nearly full making the night bright.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude, uh...I just. Never mind. I’ll go. Goodnight.” He turns around to leave.

“Oh no, it’s okay you can stay.” He turns his head back around to look at her. 

“Are you sure?”

“I think I could actually use the company.” She turns back toward the ocean and he goes to stand beside her.  _ So much for trying to sort out my feelings,  _ he can’t help but think. 

“What’s on your mind?” It's beginning to seem like he’s asked her to explain her thoughts more often than usual today. He wishes he could read her mind as well as he could read her body language. Her face shifts between a few expressions trying to decide what to tell him and how to phrase it.

“We just watched a performance that showed us failing. Of course, we all know that it is a possibility but watching it happen just made it seem more real. Everything we’ve been working toward all falls down to that moment when Aang comes face to face with the Firelord. All our work could come down to that and be for nothing. I mean, obviously I have faith in Aang and I  _ know  _ he can do this, but he’s just a kid. And it’s scary thinking about the other outcome.” Zuko nods trying to find some uncle-like wisdom hiding in the depths of his mind.

“Something that I’ve learned these past few months is that time goes on. Time didn’t stop when my father banished me, time didn’t stop when my mother disappeared, and time didn’t stop when Aang vanished. Things continue to go on and no matter what happens it won’t truly be the end of the world. If we lose, there will someday be a Firelord who values peace over power. The Earth Kingdom will not give up so easily and neither will your people. We may not be here to see it, but things will change. I guess what I’m trying to say is, time brings change, and as time is inevitable, so is changing. There will be balance again.” He hopes what he said made sense but seeing as uncle’s words never made any, it shouldn’t matter if his did either. She’d get what she needs out of them or apparently laugh at him. 

“Zuko,” she paused, “you’re giving me so much hope it’s making me tearbend.” She cried out in an uncanny resemblance to the soppy Katara he’d been watching for the past three hours. He laughs loudly at her imitation and at the corniness of his words.

“No, but really,” she continues, “when did you become so wise?” And he realizes that she really took what he said to heart. 

“I guess once I decided I wanted to be more like my uncle and less like my father.” He spoke solemnly. 

“I know he’d be really proud of you.” It’s the second time he’d heard that tonight but he wasn’t so sure. He needs to find his uncle and apologize to him for his betrayal. It reminds him of his betrayal of the girl standing next to him. He turns his body to face her and she looks at him. 

“Katara, I never apologized for what happened in Ba Sing Se and I know I don’t have any excuses and I don’t deserve to explain myself to you but I was confused.  _ Really  _ confused. I thought it was my destiny to have a place by my father’s side again and the only way I could do that was by taking down the Avatar. I didn’t realize that I could forge my own destiny and it’s not a fate decided for us but a path we choose to go down. I’m so sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry I wasted any time when I could’ve been training Aang.” She turns her whole body towards him. 

“Zuko, I appreciate your apology but I’ve already forgiven you. You’ve done so much for us and I’m really happy you’re here.” She reaches her hand up and places it on his cheek just as she had in Ba Sing Se. This time he lets his head lean into it and it looks at her. The moment looks the same as it had in Ba Sing Se with her seemingly reading his soul. But it feels completely different. It feels peaceful under the moonlight with the waves crashing beside them and yet laced with the tension of words unsaid. With his left hand, he covers hers, and with his right, he runs his thumb gently along her cheekbone following it down her jawline and finally along her bottom lip. He wants to feel those lips against his own, but he wouldn’t kiss her unless she gave some indication he wanted her too. He had just earned her trust. He didn’t need to ruin it because of some stupid teenage hormones. After a moment she breaks his gaze, looking down at the ground and giving a soft sigh. She removes her hand and walks over to one of the logs that sit around a firepit. Zuko could tell there was something still wrong. He follows her to the log and sits on the other end of it putting about a foot of space between them. 

“There’s something else going on. What’s wrong?” She takes a deep breath. 

“I don’t know. Nothing...well...I-there is.” She let out a noise of frustration. “I don’t know if I want to talk about it. I don’t want anyone knowing.”

“You can tell me. I don’t have anyone else to tell so it’d be like telling no one.” He wouldn’t usually push like this but curiosity is getting the best of him. It has to be what was bothering her at the theater. “And maybe I could even help. I’m suddenly full of infinite wisdom, remember?” He jokes. She laughs softly. 

“Fine. Earlier today, when we were at the play, I went to go look for Aang right? Well, I found him and he seemed pretty upset about the play and I thought he was being overdramatic about the casting of his character. But it wasn’t really about that. He took what I said-in the play that is-to heart. About how I thought of him as a brother. Then he goes on and on about how we’re supposed to be together and it really took me off guard because I wasn’t exactly prepared to have this conversation. I hadn’t even thought about it since he kissed me before we invaded the fire nation.” This throws Zuko off but he doesn’t say anything and keeps listening. “So I told him I’m confused, which I am! I’m really focused on training him and training myself, I can’t be thinking about a relationship with him right now we’re in the middle of a war and the most wanted people on the planet. I just needed some time to think and before I knew it he’s kissing me again. I feel bad because I got pretty upset with him and ran off but he was being childish.” 

“Hmm,” is all Zuko can reply. He’s pretty mad himself about Aang kissing Katara especially after she’d made it clear she needed time to understand what was happening. 

“That’s all you have to say?”

“No. I’m just thinking.” 

“Think out loud” she puffs. Even telling the story seemed to upset her a little.

“Alright. I don’t think you should feel bad for getting a little angry with him or running away. You had every right to be upset. I think he’s feeling this way because you were the first girl he’d seen after being trapped for 100 years. You were caring and confident in him and supported him when he needed it most. He’s having a hard time diminishing feelings of friendship with feelings of romance. And since he’s just a kid he doesn’t know how to express himself so he’s clumsy and not particularly considerate of your feelings in the process. It doesn’t excuse what he did but it possibly explains it.” He pauses for a moment “I wouldn’t have kissed you unless you wanted me to.” He adds on before he can stop himself. He can feel the blush creeping into his cheeks and he mentally slaps himself a million times for saying that. A blanket of silence falls over them for a moment, and Zuko expects Katara to just get up and leave.

“Is that why you didn’t kiss me while we were standing there a few minutes ago?” Her question takes him back. This girl never ceases to surprise him. 

“Um, yeah, I suppose.” He stumbles over his words in his awkwardness. It's quiet for another moment.

“Did you want to?” She asks, her voice low.

“Yes.” He says instinctively. It barely comes out a whisper and even with her relatively close, he’s not sure she heard him. She scoots closer to him, so their thighs are touching as they had been in the theater. 

“Don't move, okay?” He nods. She puts her hand on his unscarred cheek and turns his face just a little so he's looking right at her. Slowly, she inches her face toward his, lips slightly parted. He closes his eyes and opens his mouth a little. After what seems like an eternity, she gently kisses him, her mouth moving only barely against his. He moves his own lips at the same pace as hers figuring this doesn’t go against her telling him not to move. The kiss is so soft like feathers brushing against skin or snowflakes falling onto a flame. Zuko wants so badly to move, to deepen the kiss just a little, to run his fingers through her hair, pull her closer. But he doesn’t know what she’s hoping to get from this so he stays as still as possible while relishing in the fact that they are  _ kissing. _ She pulls away slightly and despite the gentleness of the kiss, they’re both a bit breathless.

“You can move now” she whispers, still close, and leaning in, Zuko realizes, for another kiss.  _ Thank Spirits,  _ he praises. He certainly listens to her now. The kiss is still gentle and slow, but Zuko pushes his finger through her curls and presses his lips harder against hers. He puts his other hand on her waist before deciding she is not nearly close enough. He pulls his other hand from her hair and wraps both his arms around her as he brings himself closer. He pulls her in so their chests are touching and then turns his body so she’s on his lap. She straddles him and wraps her arms around his neck. She lets out a soft content sigh. 

Everything about her is soft and Zuko is taking in everything he can. The subtle curve of her waist to her hips, the way she smells like an ocean breeze and tiger lilies, and how sometimes he can feel her start to smile against his lips. Too soon it seems, she breaks their kiss and looks at him. 

“It’s getting late,” she says simply.

“It is.” He agrees. He knows she wants to stop before it gets to be too much and of course he’ll let her. “You should go to bed. You have training with Aang in the morning.” She cringes at his name and he regrets mentioning him. He takes her hand in his and intertwines their fingers. “But I could train him in the morning if you’d like me to.” He’s worried she’ll feel uncomfortable. 

“No, it’ll be fine.” It’s just like Katara to push through things she doesn’t want to do. He simply nods and she untangles herself from him and stands but keeps their hands linked. “Thank you for talking this through with me. You really have gained a lot of wisdom and I appreciate your insight.” 

“Anytime.” 

“Goodnight Zuko.” He can’t resist lifting her hand to his lips for just a moment.

“Goodnight Katara.” She turns to leave and he’s left staring at the ocean by himself.

“Oh and Zuko?” He turns and looks at her and even in the darkness can see her start to blush. “What you said, after the crystal catacomb scene, well...you’re wrong.”

“I’m wrong?” She tries to stop the smile creeping across her face by biting her lip and it's adorable. She nods.

“Very wrong.” And turns to leave without another word. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually had this chapter written for a while now like before most of my previous chapters were written because you can't tell me nothing happened after they saw the Ember Island Players! Next chapter is gonna be kinda fluffy but I'm really struggling to write it so hopefully I'll have it in the next few days. As always I LOVE the comments and kudos you guys leave. Thank you so so much for appreciating my writing I am not really a writer but its been way fun anyways!


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